One Just for Matthew !!

[Big J R]

The Poo List

 

The Ghost Poo.

The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there is no poo in the bowl.

 

The Wet Poo.

You wipe your bottom fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your bottom and you underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

 

The 'Brain haemorrhage through you nose' Poo.

Also known as 'pop a vein in your forehead poo'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

 

The Corn Poo.

No explanation required.

 

The Notorious Drinker Poo.

The kind of poo you have in the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

 

The 'Gee I really wish I could poo' Poo.

The kind where you want to poo, but even after straining you guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

 

The Wet Cheeks Poo.

Also known as the 'Power Dump'. That's the kind that comes out of your bottom so fast that you cheeks are splashed with the toilet water.

 

The Liquid Poo.

That is the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your bottom, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns you tender poop chute.

 

The Mexican Poo.

A class all of its own.

 

The Crowd Pleaser.

This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before you flush.

 

The Mood Enhancer.

This poo occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

 

The Ritual.

This poo occurs at the same time everyday and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

 

The Aftershock Poo.

This poo has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 8 hours is affected.

 

The 'Honeymoon is over' Poo.

This is any poo created in the presence of another.

 

The Groaner Poo.

A poo so huge it cannot exist without the vocal assistance.

 

The Floater Poo.

Characterised by its floatability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushings.

 

The Ranger Poo.

A poo which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a

rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often, the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

 

The Phantom Poo.

This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

 

The Peek-a-boo Poo.

Now you see it, now you don't. This poo is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

 

The Snake Charmer Poo.

A long skinny poo, which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

 

The Back to Nature Poo.

This poo may be of any variety, but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

 

The 'Pebbles from Heaven' Poo.

An adorable collection of small pebble type turds, often a gift from God when you actually cannot poo.

 

The Power Dump Poo.

The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

 

The Spinal Tap Poo.

The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear its got to be coming out sideways.

 

The 'Im going to chew my food better' Poo.

When the bag of Doritos you ate, last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

 

The 'What the hell died in here' Poo.

Also sometimes referred to as the 'toxic dump' poo. Of course, you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

[Badger]

What a load of sh*t! <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />