When I become Prime Minister

[Little Miss Urchin]

There are plenty of issues I would resolve but during my free periods I will make it my business to rename every league at all levels.

 

A good start has been made what with the Premiership, Championship and now this Blue Square nonsence, but I aim to go further. Divisions 2 & 3 will be renamed something random as will all other leagues, such as The Ryman Prem, Div 1 North/South, Unibond, etc.

 

Eventually noone will know what league their team plays in so all bitterness, bragging and jealousy will be removed.

 

Any other issues you'd like me to raise in Parliament?

[YELLOW]

Reduce the price of beer.

 

Put a small nuclear bomb on Grays and Tilbury.

 

Give permission for a third road off the Island.

 

AND

 

Don't forget us poorly paid civil servants who work hard for Queen and Country with unquestioning loyalty. Therefore a pay rise and a few extra benefits would be rather nice indeed.

 

Would that make you the first ginger prime minister then?

[Little Miss Urchin]

As I don't like beer I'll raise its price to offset the reduction in the price of cider.

 

Grays and Tilbury already look as though they have been hit by a bomb.

 

A third road off your island would only encourage more people to leave it.

 

As an extra benefit, on your tenth anniversary you will be awarded with a pen that can write in water.

 

Yes. Beware.

[YELLOW]

Originally Posted By: Little Miss Urchin

As an extra benefit, on your tenth anniversary you will be awarded with a pen that can write in water.

As I'm on the fourth floor of my work I doubt it would come in useful. A pen that could write would be nice.

Could I have a boat instead?

[Little Miss Urchin]

Sorry, a boat is for when you retire so you can go fishing.

 

Besides, surely a pen that writes in water would be useful to you!

[YELLOW]

Not really. The paper would get all wet and soggy and you wouldn't be able to write on it. It would have to be one of those permanent marker things.

 

Make sure it's black ink though. Civil service rules I'm afraid, can only use black ink.

[The Invisible Man]

Cut all roads onto and off Canvey Island. Mine the creek.

 

I was beaten to it - how would anyone know if a bomb was dropped on Grays and/or Tilbury? Possibly by the improvement?

 

Free beer AND cider on the NHS.

 

Rename the Prem/Football League as something like, I don't know, how about Divisions 1, 2, 3 and 4?

 

Bring back the maximum wage for footballers. Deduct a set sum from their wages every time they use a cliche or an extravagant unnecessary step-over.

 

Deduct 20 points a season and a hefty fine for any club that changes its stadium name or gives it a sponsor's name.

 

Tax relief for all female flaming redheads. Tax penalties for ginger blokes.

 

Tax all skirts and dresses by the inch/cm. (Does not apply to Scotsmen). Tax relief for high heels, also by the inch/cm.

 

Sack every other council worker or civil servant, on an alphabetical basis. Sack and/or imprison all traffic engineers, accountants and anyone whose job title includes the word "financial".

 

Join the Euro sector. As a demonstration of our commitment to Europe but determination to maintain our own traditions, we will drive on the left and the right on alternate weeks.

 

Independance for Scotland.

 

Invade Scotland.

 

Abolish university fees and student loans. Abolish all courses that include the word "Studies".

[Big J R]

I think Invis has got it just about right !

[Little Miss Urchin]

I like the idea about the tax relief for flaming redheads.

 

Keep note of this thread, it may come in handy one day.

[YELLOW]

It would stop the gingers getting angry and help towards world peace!!