FOLKESTONE/DOVER EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

[batfloke]

An earthquake measuring 4.7 on the Richter scale hit Folkestone & Dover in

the early hours of Saturday Its epicentre was in Folkestone. Victims were

seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

 

The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol

were damaged beyond repair.

 

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were

woken well before their giros arrived.

 

Invicta FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered

and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something

interesting had happened in Folkestone. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a

15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little

Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two,

Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking

when I was skinning up and watching Jeremey Kyle the next morning."

 

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as

normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of

Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

 

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large

quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from

Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

 

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those

unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

 

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

 

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

 

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

 

Shell suits (female)

 

White sport socks

 

Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

 

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

 

Required foodstuffs include:

 

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special

Brew.

 

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

 

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

 

£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

 

***Breaking news***

 

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.

 

'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "Aylesham" said the girl, "wossit

gotta do wiv you?"

 

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Folkestone/ Dover - oh, sod

it... they won't be able to read it anyway

[Rob_Butler]

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