O/T Came across this - Non football related!

[Cookie]

Originally Posted By: AncientBlue

This means that by 2040,there should be,a) large elderly population with perky boobs and c) huge erections and d) absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

As well has the occasional part©,a,b & d already applies to me in 2007, AB! l.o.l.

[djw]

Behave !!! lmao

[Cookie]

I don't have much choice,(unfortnately),Danny.

[AncientBlue]

Originally Posted By: Cookie

I don't have much choice (unfortnately), Danny.

ME EITHER!

[djw]

LOL- anymore !

[Cookie]

FRANK

 

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

 

Passenger: "Who?"

 

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - all the time Like my coming along when you needed a cab,things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

 

Passenger:"There are always a few clouds over everybody."

 

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman.He was a terrific athlete.He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis.He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

 

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really

special."

 

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could

remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything Not like me.I change a fuse,and the whole street blacks out.But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

 

Passenger."Wow, some guy then."

 

Cabbie:"He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams.Not like me,I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake."

 

Passenger."Mmm,there's not many like him around."

 

Cabbie:"And,he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate,shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

 

Passenger:"An amazing fellow.How did you meet him?"

 

Cabbie:"Well,I never actually met Frank."

 

Passenger:"Then how do you know so much about him?"

 

Cabbie:"I married his [****!!****] widow".

[Cookie]

Computer Dependency

 

 

This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.

 

 

Are you male or female? To know the answer, look down!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not here you idiot! -------------- L...........O...........L

 

 

 

 

[Ian_Sanderson]

Funny Tony, but beware the "This is not football" related people

[Frankie100]

Originally Posted By: Ian_Sanderson

Funny Tony, but beware the "This is not football" related people

What an excellant posting

[Cookie]

Why, Why, Why

 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

 

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know

there is not enough money?

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

 

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

 

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

 

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

 

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

 

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

 

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

 

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialised?

 

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

 

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

 

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

 

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologises for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well,it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

 

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

 

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

 

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

 

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

 

[Frankie100]

Originally Posted By: Cookie

Why, Why, Why

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Well someone has to support Millwall and Ramsgate!!!

[Cookie]

GONE WITH THE WIND(Its True)

http://www.dunfermlinepress.com/news/story.php?story_id=411

 

[dannyriding]

LAUGHING MY [****!!****] OFF - SHALL WE CHANGE THIS FORUM FROM FOOTBALL, TO JOKES R US

[AncientBlue]

A Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is not all that experienced either. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring, "he says, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want to try somethin I have heard about... Numbaa 69." More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries...

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You want... Chicken wit broccori?"