any 'the office' fans out there?

[CANV EFM]

i may may have something entertaining for you here

[SteveP]

but of course monsieur... what do you have??

[CANV EFM]

a collection of the finest quotes .. real addicts will know em all but i found a few that had slipped thru the net

 

 

 

 

 

1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

 

3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

 

4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

 

5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

 

6. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

 

7. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

 

8. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

 

9. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.

 

10. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

 

11. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

 

12. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

 

13. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

 

14. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

 

15. Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.

 

16. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

 

17. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

 

18. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

 

19. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

20. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

 

21. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

 

22. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

 

23. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

 

24. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

 

25. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

 

26. If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

 

27. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

 

28. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!

 

29. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

 

30. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

 

31. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s?

 

32. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....

 

33. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!

 

34. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

 

35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

 

[EFM The Firm, The Voice]

They aren't all from the Office are they?

 

I'm sure 27 is a Homer Simpson one!

 

Still I'm sure we'll agree Office was the best program of the year!

[Ted Maul]

Certainly was. I watched the repeat of the Quiz night episode last night. Must be about the 5th time I've seen it, but I reckon it just gets funnier every time you watch it. Definitely one of the top 3 episodes in my opinion.

[EFM The Firm, The Voice]

The quiz episode was brilliant, which one was the best though, it's well hard - I though comic relief from series 2 was a classic.

 

"Yeah but he's thrown a shoe over a pub, what have you done" - Gareth, quiz night

[Ted Maul]

I liked the episode from series 1 when Gareth set up an investigation room to find out who'd sent round the dodgy e-mail. Some highlights :

 

Brent:

 

"If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn’t say Einstein, Newton...you know. I’d go Milligan, Cleese, Everett. Sessions."

 

 

Gareth: "In this room, I have special-" Tim: "Needs?"

Gareth: "No, I am a special-" Tim: "Needs child?"

Gareth: "No. And that’s not even funny"

 

 

Gareth: "You know the phrase softly softly catchy monkey? …I could catch a monkey - if I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison off deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself, you’ll be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times."

 

Its between that and the comic relief episode for me.