diet tips

[zody]

Q: I've heard that I should I cut down on my salt intake?

 

A: What the hell ... ? Whoever told you that is probably suffering from anorexia nervosa or bulimia. And that is because they hate food because they think it tastes bad, rather than having a mental illness, which they might also have. The answer to that stupid question is a resounding no! For two reasons. (1) Salt increases your blood pressure to the hectic pace of modern life, and (2) salt improves the taste of all food. Use salt on everything.

 

 

 

 

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

 

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

________________________________

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

________________________________

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, tequila is made out of cactus, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

________________________________

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

________________________________

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

________________________________

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

________________________________

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans--another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

_______________________________

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

________________________________

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

_______________________________

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets ..

 

Remember my happy little chums. Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - Beef pie with sauce in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!

[osamadomladen]

New diet tip - eat salt and nothing else.