Team Talk

[GHA EFM]

Tottenham Hotspur football club had invited me to the club to give the team a motivational pep-talk before an important game. Their recent results have been poor, and as a long-suffering supporter, I felt it was my duty to try to help the club. Last year they had invited Paul McKenna to hypnotise the squad, but they had overpowered him and buried him by the halfway line. Next time a game is on TV see if you can see the mound.

 

I walked into the dressing room and looked around. The players were sitting in their kit, silently focused on the game ahead. The manager introduced me and then left the room. He didn't want to cramp my style.

 

I took a deep breath and begun: "You are all bad people. All of you. Week after week you disappoint me. At the beginning of every season I have such high hopes, and inevitably you let me down. It's not like it's happened once. Every single season you let me down. You're all overpaid and lazy. I hate you all. If your parents could see you now they would be unbearably ashamed. You are awful, rotten people. Yes, even you Jermaine! You guys slumber in the safety of mid-table, always promising more and never delivering the goods. And as soon as you start playing well, you sit there hoping that Chelsea or Arsenal will buy you. You are bad, bad people. I want you to go home tonight and apologise to your families. Apolgise to anyone you see. Repent your awfulness. Every day you should wake up feeling ashamed, because you're bad players and bad human beings. Now go out there and win a football game. It's not too much to ask."

 

Then I walked out. The door slammed on its hinges. I don't suppose they will invite me back next year. I don't care. I said everything I needed to say.

[Electric ~soul~]

Haha, this is about six years old, mate!!

[Electric ~soul~]

In fact, it was you who posted it before, over a year ago!!

 

http://www.nonleague.co.uk/forum/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB13&Number=506646

[GHA EFM]

Quote:

Week after week you disappoint me. At the beginning of every season I have such high hopes, and inevitably you let me down.

Old but still relevant? ;-)

Got it in an e-mail, no idea where it originated...

[Electric ~soul~]

Quote:

Old but still relevant?

Although the season's unfortunate conclusion was only a sniper and busty blonde away from a series ending cliff-hanger of Sky One's "Dream Team", the disappointment of missing out on a Champions League spot should not taint what has been an excellent season for Spurs. Fifth place in the league, a relatively meagre nine defeats, and no back-to-back losses represents real progress for what is still a team with its best yet to come. Qualification for Europe through the league, for the first time in over two decades, and the club's best league placing since 1989 bears testament to the excellent work done by Levy and Jol, in particular, in spite of not inconsiderable upheaval over the last 18 months.

[GHA EFM]

Who wrote that?

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/4761715.stm

[Electric ~soul~]

Do you not feel Spurs fans have anything to celebrate, then?

 

http://www.squarefootball.net/article/article.asp?aid=3129

[GHA EFM]

No no, I agree. Just looked like you were writing an article for the program or something!

[Electric ~soul~]

'Tis from the link in my post above!