....NEWS FLASH! ....NEWS FLASH! ....NEWS FLASH! ....

[Chris G.]

....NEWS FLASH!...NEWS FLASH!....NEWS FLASH!....

 

[color:"red"] [/color] A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 5.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE HITS ESSEX. [color:"red"] [/color]

 

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours yesterday morning Wednesday 1 February 2006.

Epicentre: GRAYS , ESSEX.

 

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fockin mentoe", "innit" and "cont".

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30-00 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of momentos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

Essex News reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Grays.

One resident Tracy Sharon Smith,a 15 year old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock,my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when i was watching TRISHA in the morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime have carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP

 

 

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfotunate to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps,

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sports socks,

Rockport boots and other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2-00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£5-00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

 

Please DO NOT send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the less well off population of neighbouring areas such as Southend, Vange, Pitsea and Basildon.

[Paddy.c]

really! you heard about it too?