Ketchup, poisonous snakes and a Wankas romp

[Guest]

So Chester fans bemoan all but their fading hopes and false dreams of 3rd Division football next season, following the 1-1 against our boys today. Good! Our part-timers continue to draw some fine blood, and deservedly so, receiving acclaim by those in the Conference who know a thing or two about football (but it appears not Chester fans).

 

Well of course I´m missing Fleet´s jamboree this season, but there are a few compensations here in llama land. Top of the Latin American Pop Charts recently has been Las Ketchup with Aserejé (pronounced " a say a hey"). It´s a catchy little number with its own hip hop dance which has already hit Italy and Spain, and is now doing the rounds in the Peruvian bars and discos. The Spanish/English version may yet arrive in the UK. Called Las Ketchup, a group of 3 sexy Spanish tarts, although I would think would come better served with whipped cream.

 

This was one of those civilisation deprived/solitude spawned/out of beer high points of discussion we had a couple of weeks ago when 10 of us spent 7 days on a expedition within Peru's South Eastern Manu National Park, Amazon basin looking for rare species (like the Peruvian Bear - didn't see, the Jaguar - didn´t see, the Giant Otter - did see, the Groping Ferguson - didn't see but anything is possible in Man u, isn't it).

 

There were plenty of monkies, caimen and birds of prey in Manu to keep us entertained and as for biting insects - mozzies, ants, leeches, spiders, sand flies, wasps, etc, we each took plenty of bites. I really would like to know which greedy two-fanged little [****!!****] lunched on my right arm - twice: inflammation and discomfort has thankfully now diminished.

 

We also saw snakes including a Fer-de-lance. The Amazon Basin is more famous for its constrictors (Anacondas and Boas) but its venomous snakes are not to go unheeded. The most venomous is probably the Coral Snake, a colourful ringed snake which does not bite, but rather chews on the skin leaving a bruise and a neutrotoxin venom which casually attacks the nervous system. The most dangerous snake is the Bushmaster, the largest venomous snake in the Americas and more powerful cousin of the Rattlesnake, which does bite and will keep biting several times just to ensure that one gets the message and a hefty dose of powerful venom too. The most feared snake however is the Fer-de-Lance (so called after its lance shaped head) the type of which we came across on a jungle track. Unlike the other two snakes which try to avoid human contact, the Fer-de-Lance inhabits farming areas and town/village outskirts often coming into contact with farm workers. This more aggressive piece of work has long hollow poison filled fangs and injects venom pretty much like a hypodermic needle injects serum. A neat operation. Those who are bitten and survive often survive through rushed amputations and carry horrid disfigurements throughout their lifetimes. And that is exactly why we left the little blighter well alone.

 

In fact the snake was the last thing of any note that we saw. Hours later we were back in the comfortable surroundings of a town, next day back in Lima. That weekend [****!!****]as romped to a 4-1 win over Sport Boys. Their Columbian striker Ediliberto Salazar scored twice including a thumping 40 yarder which sailed (or is it flew) over the hapless Boys goalie.

 

Finally to celebrate Fleet´s recent commanding form, why not come and join me (if you are completely crazy of course) on Thursday in Lima´s English owned Old Pub which is celebrating it's 5th aniversary with free cocktails, a buffet and ales served by the delightfully lightly clad beer hostesses (probably wearing skimpy red tops with a St Georges flag over the left bosom). All you have to do is cover the fare. I will take care of the rest. Let me know mis amigos.

 

 

 

 

[Fleet_Fella]

Mark, Las Ketchup went straight in to the charts at No.1 yesterday!

[Guest]

 

Thanks Fleet Fella - all together now 'Aserejé ja de jé te jebe tude jebere seibiunouva, majavi an de bugui an de buididipi'.

[Guest]

Are there any jobs going over there in Peru? I've got 'O' level Spanish and a First Aid Certificate!

Halifax Lass

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[Guest]

<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Rejected:</font><hr />

Are there any jobs going over there in Peru? I've got 'O' level Spanish and a First Aid Certificate!

Halifax Lass

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Make your mind up......either you have got an 'O' level or you are from Halifax....you can't have it both ways.

 

 

 

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[Guest]

Both ways are not, yes Halifax lass, there are jobs in Peru but your undoubted talents would be wasted in the jungle.

 

Take a girl out of the town, yes, but it's ultimately more difficult to take a town out of the girl, and methinks you would be better suited to work in the city. And there is one place I know that is currently recruiting. Our office local the Corner Bar is looking for new bar staff (3 of the girls were recently sacked for fixing till receipts). Come-hither close-fitting uniform is provided (to harness most from those provocative body curves) so not good to be overdoing it on the Yorkshire Pud and Manchester Tart: and age limits, well from 18-22 ought to see you in. On the downside: you are of course working with inferior product: and as good as Peruvian beer might get (and the best is not bad), it doesn't get anywhere near as good as those mellow, full-bodied Northern ales and bitters. As ever, it's all pros and cons.

 

[Guest]

Have you always been a chauvinist and bigot Inca Mark or does it come from being over there for so long? It's depressing to hear such sexist diatribe from one so young. It's the sort of thing I would expect from my father's generation. A degree in psychology and years of working with some of the most underpriveleged young people in remote areas of west yorkshire and I can't meet the job description (whether the 18 - 22 refers to age or waist size!!!)

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smilie_switch.gif" alt="" />

[Guest]

Emotively tinged reply, about as much as I would have expected for my sprinkling of impudence. Bigotry and chauvinism I guess I must have a dash then (but balanced by tolerance and forbearance). Comes with painting the Peruvian picture as it really is.

 

In a city where there are few decent jobs for women, the dominating macho culture interwoven throughout the whole of Peruvian society ensures that good career openings remain slim, so many bright (and academic, not necessarily all underprivileged) girls find themselves working in bars, casinos, hotels, shops, etc. Back to the Corner Bar, the current crop of young girls are astute, quick-witted, attractive and should be on the first rung of developing a career in a respected sector such as banking, retail or journalism, not wearing flirtatious uniform in a nondescript bar pulling chopps (pints) and making cheap smalltalk. But that's the way it is here: your typical Latin American culture. That's Peru.

 

[Guest]

"Emotively tinged" is one way of putting it! The rest of your description sounds very similar to how things are up here!

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smilie_switch.gif" alt="" />

[Slartibartfast]

<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Inca Mark:</font><hr />

Back to the Corner Bar, the current crop of young girls are astute, quick-witted, attractive and should be on the first rung of developing a career in a respected sector such as banking, retail or journalism, not wearing flirtatious uniform in a nondescript bar pulling chopps (pints) and making cheap smalltalk.

 

 

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So whats happened to the bowler hatted, cigar smoking peruvian tottie we've all heard so much about?

 

 

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/beerchug.gif" alt="" />

[Guest]

What's happened? Well those my dears will be the sierra ladies, the mountain peasant women from the south of Peru living around the towns of Cusco, Arequipa and Puno. Bowler hatted, cigar chomping, yes, they are also known occasionally to spit into their local chicha (corn/maize) drinks when preparing. Seen in countless documentaries, they rarely come to Lima, and are not to be confused with the gorgeous selva girls from the Peruvian jungle towns of say, Iquitos, Tarapoto and Pullcalpa nor with the lighter skinned (Peruvian/Spanish) beauties from the wealthy Lima districts of San Isidro, Miraflores and La Molina.

 

And now at the risk for offending, particularly those with feminine sensibilities, the famed Royal/Showbiz photographer Cecil Beaton once likened Elizabeth Taylor to the Peruvian women referred to. During a photo shoot back in 71, Taylor wanted Beaton to compliment her. He refused and recalled "her breasts, hanging and huge, were like those of a peasant women suckling her young from Peru. They were seen in their full shape, blotched and mauve, plum. And this was the woman who is the greatest draw".

 

So there you have it: bowler hatted, cigar chomping, and of ample bosom (one more feature that you now know these ladies are renowned for, and one of which I wonder Slartibartfast will be drooling over).

 

[Slartibartfast]

Well since we are all name dropping and to quote Kipling ( no not the fondant fancy man the one who wrote exceedingly good poems )

 

" A woman is only a woman but a cigar is a bloody good smoke"

 

 

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[Halifax Lass]

<blockquote><font class="small">Quote Slartibartfast:</font><hr />

Well since we are all name dropping and to quote Kipling ( no not the fondant fancy man the one who wrote exceedingly good poems )

 

" A woman is only a woman but a cigar is a bloody good smoke"

 

 

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Inca Mark's right - I couldn't let let this lot go unchallenged! <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/shotgun.gif" alt="" />

 

How about "The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs".

Marie de Rabutin-Chantal, Marquise de Sevigne.

[Alan W (GNFC)]

But a good woman will keep you going longer than a good smoke !!!