Any jokes for a boring Friday afternoon?

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Are you sure that your cut & paste function is working correctly, GHA?

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Definitely, that's the beauty of it

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No sooner has Britain been plunged into fuel crisis than reports are growing that the newspapers are poised to completely manufacture another catastrophe for the British public, this time centred around booze. Already some parts of the country have experienced record queues at bars and pubs as word spreads of possible drink shortages and some landlords have expressed concerns about their ability to meet with demand as the thick British public decide to tackle a potential problem by actually increasing their consumption of whatever is in short supply. Panic drinking started earlier this week and is expected to escalate as fears grow for a completely made up shortfall, particularly in Stella, Staropramen and other drinks that make you go mental. "We pay too much for booze as it is," said one drinker in Preston. "Now the government won't act to stop this booze crisis I was left with no option but to sink 11 pints of Guinness and a couple of whiskey chasers. I didn't want to, but I can risk a situation where next week I'm left without being able to go for a quiet pint and a curry". Psychologists say that panic drinking is an entirely understandable phenomenon akin to that experienced at airports when all the gurning scum off your flight crowd selfishly around the baggage carousel as if that will make their luggage arrive faster. "It's a well known reaction in situations like this," said human behaviour expert Dr Pantene Provee. "It comes back to what social scientists would refer to as 'everyone in Britain being ******* stupid'".

 

However, not everyone in Britain was content simply to drink lots of booze that they didn't want or need. Following the lead from this week's fuel demonstrations, drink-based groups are planning to take action of their own with a series of really **** protests.

 

Meanwhile, the drinks industry moved swiftly to calm the situation; "There is no drink shortage looming," said a spokesman for the British Association of Booze. "We admit that stocks did dip momentarily, but this was purely caused by the England cricket team"