Joke

[Talede1]

I was asked over the weekend to run in a marathon but declined..........

I was then told it was for the disabled and spastic society.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

[****!!****] it I thought I can win that!!!

[SNEER_IS_HERE]

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these loaves of bread? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers and every now and then they send a free loaf of bread."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office and about once a year they send us a complete dick like you"

[Hawkeye Pierce]

A new joke for you

 

In trying to sum up for students the life of the great Mahatma Gandhi the lecturer sought to codify his life so they would remember it more easily.

 

Firstly he walked everywhere and his bare feet became hard and full of large callouses, but it was part of his character.

 

Secondly he was determined to monogamous and got cross with himself for looking at other women with lustful thoughts so he would punish himself for these slips in perfection.

 

and Thirdly with all the goats cheese and milk he would drink his breath was quite stong and therefore

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the codification was yes you've guessed it

 

"Super-Callous-Flagil-Mystic-Expert-Hallitosis"

[Lightweight]

A rabbi is nearing the end of his career, and his flock are wondering what to buy him for a leaving present.

They go through all the old chesnuts but nothing seems good enough for this special man. Then someone says you know he has kept every foreskin he has ever circumsticed, prehaps we can do something with them.

One of the elders says that he knows someone who works in leather. And asks him if he can make something out of all the old foreskins. He thinks it will be tough but says he will try his best.

A few weeks later he calls the elders together to show them what he has made. They are impressed when he shows them a beautiful briefcase. How much do we owe you. Asks one of the elders. £10, 000 says the tanner. £10, 000 thats bloody steep! Steep! Steep! Have you ever seen a briefcase that can turn into a suitcase with just a couple of rubs.