Hypnotist

[Colin Zeal EFM]

Three blokes leave their wives at home for the evening, and pop along to the local pub where there's a guest hypnotist doing a show.

 

When the hypnotist asks for volunteers, the three blokes put their hands up and get chosen. They are all hypnotised, and are told that they will remain silent throughout the show, but when they get home, they will do the first thing their wives tell them to do.

 

Sure enough, they stay quiet throughout the evening, and the time eventually comes for them to leave and go home.

 

The first bloke gets in, finds his wife in bed, so gets a glass of water and climbs in bed next to her. As he does so, he spills the water over the bedsheets. "Flood the house, why don't you," his wife moans, so following her instructions, he gets up, fetches an axe and proceeds to burst all the water-pipes in the house.

 

Well, while the emergency plumber is being called out, he decides to drop in on one of his mates. He gets to his house and the fire brigade are there. "What happened?" he asks his mate.

 

"Well, I got home," he explains, "and the wife was in bed, so I jumped in next to her, light a fag, and dropped it on the duvet. She said to me 'burn the house down, why don't you,' and the next thing I know, I was chucking petrol all over the walls, and lighting a match to it."

 

Anyway, the two blokes take a walk down the next street where the third bloke lives, and are met by several police vans and an ambulance. They spot their mate standing in the street with a knife in one hand, chunks of meat in the other and covered in blood.

 

They go over to him and ask what the hell had happened.

 

"Well," he explains, "I got home, the missus was in bed, so feeling quite horny I jumped in next to her, and put my hand between her legs. She turned to me and said 'You can cut that out'."