Matt Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 Being unmarried can (apparently) shorten a man's life by ten years!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emma-STFC Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 At age 22, Jerry Lee Lewis married for the third time. His bride? His thirteen year old cousin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 The Pentagon sent approximately $2 million worth of SPAM to United States troops during the Gulf War! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Kay Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 Ian, you are beginning to show an unhealthy and somewhat abnormal obsession with SPAM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Rebel and a Saint Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 We're Knights of the Round Table, We dance when e'er we're able, We do routines and parlour scenes, With footwork impecc-able. We dine well here in Camelot, We eat ham and jam and SPAM a lot! <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Juan DeMarcus Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings wearing horned helmets. Whenever the word "spam" is repeated, they begin singing and/or chanting. A man and his wife enter. The man is played by Eric Idle, the wife is played by Graham Chapman (in drag), and the waitress is played by Terry Jones, also in drag. Man: You sit here, dear. Wife: All right. Man: Morning! Waitress: Morning! Man: Well, what've you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam... Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam. Wife: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it. Wife: I don't want ANY spam! Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage? Wife: THAT'S got spam in it! Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it? Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...) Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then? Waitress: Urgghh! Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam! Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up! Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam. Wife: I don't like spam! Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam! Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off. Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words) Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathan Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language which ends with "mt". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 The correct response to the Irish greeting, "Top of the morning to you," is "and the rest of the day to yourself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staines-upon-Thames Rebel Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 In times gone by the practice of castrating young choir boys to stop their voices breaking took place. This produced men who were then able to sing castrato. This practice has now been banned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PJ-STFC Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Quote: In times gone by the practice of castrating young choir boys to stop their voices breaking took place. This produced men who were then able to sing castrato. This practice has now been banned. The practice was finally banned in 1870. "It is an interesting fact to note that, during the 16th, 17th and 18th centuries, only approximately 1% of castrated or partially castrated boys developed into successful singers." (Poor b*stards!) (courtesy of Wikipedia...) PJ <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/chat.gif" alt="" /> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emma-STFC Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 During his or her lifetime, the average human will grow 590 miles of hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Kay Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Marcus might not get the last word, but he's surely got the longest. (word that is) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emma-STFC Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 You lose enough dead skin cells in your lifetime to fill eight five-pound flour bags. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarySTFC Posted September 28, 2005 Author Share Posted September 28, 2005 Grimlock, you've created a monster.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Scott Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 like i care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Quote: MattSTFC said: Being unmarried can (apparently) shorten a man's life by ten years!! And being married can shorten it by twenty! <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Rebel and a Saint Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 living dangerously there mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Quote: Rebel Kay said: Ian, you are beginning to show an unhealthy and somewhat abnormal obsession with SPAM Yes, it's called SPAMMING! <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Senator Robert Byrd of West Viginia eats a sandwich of SPAM and mayonnaise on white bread three times a week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Juan DeMarcus Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Quote: Rebel Kay said: Marcus might not get the last word, but he's surely got the longest. Why thankyou... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Scott Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 there's a joke there, but not even I can resort to shot below the belt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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