silly jokes

[zody]

For a minute lets be serious, just found this and thought I SHARE IT WITH EVERYONE

 

Friends Test

 

A Friend....

 

(A)ccepts you as you are

 

(B)elieves in "you"

 

©alls you just to say "HI"

 

(D)oesn't give up ! ! on you

 

(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)

 

(F)orgives your mistakes

 

(G)ives unconditionally

 

(H)elps you

 

(I)nvites you over

 

(J)ust "be" with you

 

(K)eeps you close at heart

 

(L)oves you for who you are

 

(M)akes a difference in your life

 

(N)ever Judges

 

(O)ffer support

 

(P)icks you up

 

(Q)uiets your fears

 

®aises your spirits

 

(S)ays nice things about you

 

(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it

 

(U)nderstands you

 

(V)alues you

 

(W)alks beside you

 

(X)-plains thing you don't understand

 

(Y)ells when you won't listen and

 

(Z)aps you back to reality.

[Mackie. D]

Two dyslexic skiers at the top of a mountain, one says, " do we zig zag or zag zig down the slope" mate replys "don't know" just then a bloke with a toboggan walks by, so they ask him, he says "no idea i'm a tobogganist" so they both say "sod it give us 20 benson & a box of matches then"

[zody]

MESSAGE TO A FRIEND

 

There she goes

In with both feet and toes

Head hung high

You will hear her voice

 

Pulling no punches

A smile

A glare

She doesn’t care, if she tear’s you off.

 

Point to make

She doesn’t care how it comes out

Who ever she attacks

It could be me, but most properly or could be you

 

But I think different

She just wants to be heard

Not misunderstood

Always telling the truth

 

She is like a mum

She is friend

She is someone

That you can depend

 

One thing is for sure

You must never do

Never cross her

But then why would you

 

Not afraid to show how she cares

Not afraid to show a tear

Not afraid to give a hug

Not afraid to show her love

Whether it’s to me

Whether it’s to you

 

You have a heart of gold

You have it filled with joy

That you will share

That’s goes with out saying

Nothing compares to you

 

My message is told

But look beyond the smile

Look beyond cover

Open up the pages

She will never lead you wrong

 

She is just one NICE LADY

If she could help you out

If her life depend

That’s good old …………………….

[Mackie. D]

fee fye foe

fye foe fee

foe fee fye

read the three lines quickly, what is it?

 

go down

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wait for it

 

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It's Chris Eubanks telephone number

[zody]

execellent

[zody]

"My wife is an angel."

"Lucky you. Mine's still alive."

[Hookey]

Jeez Zodes, how much do you think I'm/we're prepared to read at this time of night?

 

However, I promise to print it off and absorb tomorrow!! Hic! <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/wiggle.gif" alt="" />

[zody]

been quiet in here tonight thats why

[coupwotcoup]

My wife is a pole vaulter...She goes down faster than she goes up!!!

[billy]

man buys a new pair of lizzard skin shoes waits for his wife to come home and says notice anything? she says no so he thinks right strips starked bollok naked keeping shoes on....notice anything now ...no she says....my fecking dicks pointing at them...so she looks down and say o new shoes....wish you had got a new hat!!!!!!!

[zody]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Mackie. D]

Bloke walks into a bookies and say to woman behind the counter "can you back horses in here" she says "course you can" so blokes goes

c'mon boy c'mon

[zody]

A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm and

says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

[billy]

man of 89 walks into a bar ..walks up the a lady sitting having a drink and says do i come here often?

[Mackie. D]

Two hunters wading through swamp land when they see another hunter half eaten by a croc, one says "look at that poor bloke" the other replies "he ain't that poor he's got a lacoste sleeping bag"

[Hookey]

Bloke sez to his mate, I think I'm getting old or alzeimers, because yesterday, instead of asking for two tickets to Pittsburg, I asked for two Pickets to Tittsburg.

 

His mate sez, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Yesterday my wife asked me if I wanted jam or marmalade on my toast, and instead of saying jam, I said..........................

You f**king old witch you've ruined my life!!! <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/laughuncontrollable.gif" alt="" />

 

[zody]

Two fish are in a tank

One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

[Mackie. D]

man tries to chat up woman in pub, she says "forget it mate i'm a lesbian" he says "whats that" she replies "see that barmaid, well i'd like to take her home strip all her clothes off nice and slowly and make passionate love to her all night" bloke says "Jeeeesusss

i must be a lesbian as well then"

[zody]

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was

artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!"

[billy]

old joke zody by you yesterday mate...how old you say you was?