This I thought was funny

[pabird]

I copied this off the urchins forum and feel it matches the Canvey sense of humour

 

This was genuinely posted on the Sheffield United website by a fan. absolute quality.

 

"I'm feeling all angry about these modern day footballers and I know why they have gone all soft. It's because of poncy names. That's what it is.

 

Remember the old days when footy players kicked a f**king ball made out of ten pounds of clay stitched inside a steel reinforced leather shell with laces made out of piano wire? Well, in them days, players could only survive the rigours of the game because they were called things like Albert, Arthur, Bert, Harry, Bill, Eddie, Bob, Jack and Tommy.

 

F**king tough names for tough men them was. And what do we have now?

 

Gareth, Jason, Wayne, Dean, Ryan, Jamie, Robbie. F**king tarts names they are. Great big [censored] poofs.

 

No wonder the ball's like a f**king balloon and shin pads are like slices of bread. In the old days you never saw a Len Shackleton or Billy Wright with a poofy little Sondico piece of paper down his little thin socks.

 

F**king shin pads in them days was made out of library books and socks was like sackcloth. Same with jerseys.

 

F**king shirts with holes in 'em now so they can breathe. Yes and so Jamie's hairless chest can breathe and he doesn't get a chill. F**k off.

 

Stanley Matthews used to dribble round Europe's finest wearing a f**king tent and shorts cobbled together from the jacket of his demob suit. Aye he bloody did. "

[THEROCK]

quality!!!

[A Non E Mouse]

Aye - it be quality. Bloody quality.

[Guest]

Bloody hell 'Pabird' nostalgia or what. When I was a young-un we used to make our own shins out of slips of baboo and thick khaki coloured canvas, sodding boots weighed a ton too, I have still got a couple of scars on me forehead from heading a sopping wet brown ball that nearly broke yer neck when heading it. God I am getting old!!!

[Merv]

You had a sopping wet brown ball? We had a rolled up newspaper stuck together with dripping. And boots? Luxury. My brother and I did have a pair but we had to eat them for our supper the day our dad lost his job at the pit.

 

You were lucky.

[Guest]

Yes Merv, they don't make very goog parachutes either. My mate has got some ex MoD stock, might pay you to buy one next time you loft yourself to those dizzy heights.

No, seriously though I hope you are on the road to recovery.