Maidenhead's view of St Albans...

[YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~]

Surely you should start it as a casual relationship though, and then if you decide you get on and really like each other, you can make more of a commitment to one another??

 

 

[Claire!]

I think they want more of casual sex though. That's what i'm seeing it as.

[YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~]

Hmmm. How long have you known any of these four blokes for? If they're guys you met that night, no-one is going to turn round and say, "yes, I really like you. Let's have a serious relationship".

 

 

[Claire!]

True, i've never met them before. Maybe i should give it ago? Daniel seemed quite nice, and i can honestly say that he would make me laugh all the time!!! And he kept buying me drinks all night too!!

 

Mark seemed a bit of a wally, and the other 2 came up to me when i was completely p1ssed and i havn't got a clue who they are!!!!!

 

Still, no harm in playing the field!!!!!!!

[SteveP]

You don't ever see some of these disasters as self perpetuating in anyway??

[SteveP]

Sorry that last post was for Saturday morning, thought I'd put it in early, not that I'm a betting man.

[YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~]

Or better still...

 

What's the problem in waiting for someone to come along that you actually genuinely like??

 

Why settle for second- or third-best??

 

Like I unsuccessfully tried to explain to you yesterday, you seem to think that you have to take the first guy that shows any interest, just in case another one never comes along again.

 

Wait til the right person comes along - ie. one that you like, that treats you as you want to be treated, and that is proud to be seen out with you - and only then start considering words like "serious" and "relationship".

 

 

[Claire!]

True, i think i'll wait until i see someone i like, and then go for it. Probably take me a couple of years to actually grab a guy i like, but i guess that in the end it will be worth it.

 

(I don't understand what you mean StevP!!!!)

[SteveP]

The question was, in laymen terms, are some of these problems bought on by yourself?

 

Will seeing 4 different blokes in one night make you any happier?

 

And the morning after, you'll have seen these guys, chances are none will be what you're really looking for and you'll be no happier, because as Zealster put's it by going for the first thing you see you're not getting any closer to what you want. To put it another way..

 

Good things come to those who wait, but you can get any old sh1t tommorow!

[YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~]

Quote:

Probably take me a couple of years to actually grab a guy i like

And how on earth did you come to that conclusion? Where on earth did you get a timespan like that from? On what basis did you come up with the statistic that two years is probably the average??

I'm really struggling to understand exactly what you're after.

One minute you say you want a serious relationship.

Then you talk of playing the field.

Then you say you just need someone to give you "cuddles".

Then you claim you "don't need a man".

Then you moan that everyone else your age (22) has a husband and/or kids and you're being left behind.

Explain precisely what it is you are after.

Also... I can't help thinking that all this desperation to find someone straight away is totally on the rebound, as a short-term fix to cheer you up after what has happened.

[Claire!]

OMG!!!!!!!! I understand!!!!!! No these 4 blokes wont make me any happier because i havn't really taken to any of them!!!! (although i havn't really given them a chance to get to know them, maybe i should just test out my dating skills?!!!!!!!)

 

That is such a good quote SteveP!!!!!! Can i use that as my new signiture?!!!!!!!!!!

[YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~]

How many of these four blokes did you 'snog' or further??

 

 

[SteveP]

of course!

[Claire!]

Quote:

Zealster EFM UK said:

Quote:

Probably take me a couple of years to actually grab a guy i like

And how on earth did you come to that conclusion? Where on earth did you get a timespan like that from? On what basis did you come up with the statistic that two years is probably the average??

I'm really struggling to understand exactly what you're after.

One minute you say you want a serious relationship.

Then you talk of playing the field.

Then you say you just need someone to give you "cuddles".

Then you claim you "don't need a man".

Then you moan that everyone else your age (22) has a husband and/or kids and you're being left behind.

Explain precisely what it is you are after.

Also... I can't help thinking that all this desperation to find someone straight away is totally on the rebound, as a short-term fix to cheer you up after what has happened.

No, i meant a couple of year, generally. I havn't put a time span on it, but my luck with getting the bloke i want never really turns out my way.

I think, no i know you're right there zeal, probably am looking for something on the rebound, and is totally not healthy. I am going to go out and have fun, and well, keep doing what i have always done, to have a laugh!!!!!!!!

[JKiF]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~]

Quote:

but my luck with getting the bloke i want never really turns out my way.

Okay, so give me some examples of a) blokes you wanted, what effort you put into getting them, and c) how it never turned out.

Leave out the most recent if you'd prefer.

I just want to have some idea, so maybe we can guide you where you're going wrong attracting the guys you particularly like.

[Claire!]

Hmmm, ok Jon (Bournemouth) I put alot of effort into being with him all the time, but never told him i liked him, as he was by best buddy!!!! I'm still friends with him now, but still havn't told him how i felt. We never became more than friends

 

Oliver (Bournemouth) We went out for a couple of months, but we went our speerate ways as i was moving onto Guernsey.

 

Luke (Guernsey) fancied him, told him, he didn't want me

 

Darren (Reading) fancied him, he wanted just sex, didn't take it further than friends.

 

Danny, fancied him like mad, infact i told him i loved him, he never saw me as anything apart from a fat blob that could probably be classed as a stalker. That's why i lost weight.

 

Simon, fancied him, he knew, but he didn't like me.

 

Harry the Hornet, fancied him, Zeal told him, nothing came about it (I was fat though at the time)

 

Hmmm, will miss out the latest i think!!!!!!

[YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~]

Well hang on a minute. Most of these you've said "fancied him". Only for Jon's write-up did you actually mention that you "liked" him, and even there I suspect it was looks-wise rather than 'as a person'.

 

How many of these did you think, "hmmm, he's a genuinely nice guy, good-looking too, he'd make a good boyfriend"??

 

They sound like Robbie-style obsessions rather than admirations for people you'd like to get to know and settle into a relationship with.

 

 

[Claire!]

No, Jon was lovely, and i didn't like him because of looks. He is lovely and a nice guy and always treate dme nice.

 

Also with danny, i thought he was a nice guy etc, and i still do.

 

Simon is a prat and i wonder what i ever saw in him.

 

Harry the Hornet is a nice guy etc, but i did fancy him when i was 16 or 17.

 

Probably to other people they seem like robbie style obsessions, but i don't think my feelings towards "proper" people are like that. What i feel towards another person really does make a difference to me, and unfortunetly alot of the time they don't get taken serioulsy.

 

Also, you can be in a relationship where you love a person, but are not in love as you don't fancy that person. I want to be able to fancy a person and be in love with them too.

 

However, you learn by your mistakes.

[YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~]

Hang on a minute. Is 'Danny's surname 'Honeyball', per chance?

 

All you ever were with him was obsessive.

 

You worry that "unfortunetly alot of the time I don't get taken serioulsy", but when all these guys see is you and Helen cackling and squawking like a couple of immature little schoolgirls, then it's no wonder.

 

When you told him that you 'love' him, you probably screamed it across the club bar or the team coach. No guy in the world is going to find that sort of behaviour attractive.