Putting the record straight (Personally)

[Guest]

This is my message from Austin PJ Powers - Man of Mystery

 

Now hear this, Proles (you may be proles, but you are MY proles and I am not having you stolen by the Evil Labour Party).

 

I know you think that have been far too many questions lately and no answers, so have decided now is the time to put you straight about how things really are.

 

All all began long ago, in a Galaxy far from here, where two deadly enemies were locked in combat - the Evil Labour Party and the BILLders. The conflict spread and galaxy after galaxy became subsumed by the awful struggle for power. In our own time, the Evil Labour Party headed by the slimy Teflon Tone and supported by his heavy, the dreaded Puncher Prescott, are trying to dominate our world. Supported by their henchmen, Armaggedon Anderson (may his name be despised!) and their fixer the awful Darth Deaner.

 

Only the BILLders stand in their path, under our glorious leader Bob, commonly known by his nickname of Stoker, as a result of his ability to cause mayhem and confusion by heaping coals on the fire, and myself the BILLders heavy and hitman, Austin JP Powers - Man of Mystery.

 

The Evil Labour Party have conceived a cunning plan. They think that if they rebuild certain areas occupied by my proles, providing regeneration, wonderful facilities, shops, housing and even more cunning benefits, they will subvert support for the BILLders. The even more cunning benefit is this. They know that Football is the Opium of the Masses. So they planned to provide a Conference level football stadium, with youth facilities which would enable their lickspittle supporters, called STFC, to suborn the youth of the area into loving football and so control their minds.

 

The evil bit is that all these wonderful facilities would be provided, in a BILLder area, WITHOUT ME AND THE BILLDERS GETTING CREDIT FOR IT! NO WAY, WE will fight them on the side streets, our blood shall be shed in the sacred Kennedy Park, and in the wastelands of Britwell. THEY shall never triumph.

 

And they have declared a holy war against me, every hand is set against me, but I shall not shrink from the conflict, nor shall my sword sleep in my hand - cliche by cliche we will rise to victory.

 

So you see now why only my avatar appears n public and my photgraph is concealed, my email address is hidden and why I dare not let them know I do not live in the environs of the Slough of Despond, for fear they will find me and I will disappear in a torrent of protest letters from those who are deceived into thinking such wonderful facilities are necessary, or those Mighty Footballers come and bounce their balls on my path of righteousness.

 

Alas dear friends, I must close and flee. The enemy have just parked their white van outside my safe house and the Evil Labour Party in their white coats are coming to get me........

 

Down with the Evil Labour Party, Down with STFC! May the BILLders live for ever!

 

 

AAAAARGH!

[Nathan]

What are you talking about?

[Guest]

You disappoint me, Nathan, it looks to me like something called satire - see definition in the Oxford Dictionary! There may be parallels with recent events.......

[Martin]

Well it made me smile.

[BFR]

Androcles, without trying to be patronising to Nathan, he is a little young to have an almighty grasp of satire.

 

I quite enjoyed the story too Martin