Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support Fans Focus by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content

I hate flying

YB941 5thD EFM ~soul~
 Share

Recommended Posts

MK James Newbie

MK James

Posted
Posted

 

Saturday 8th - yes. Flight to Majorca then a 1 week cruise. First time abroad - unless you count Wales. I've no self-discipline when it comes to drinking mate, once I start I go on, I think the flight is about 14:00 so I'd be totally hammered by 5pm. Whcih is alright by me, but might not impress..

Link to comment
Share on other sites
CANV EFM Newbie

CANV EFM

Posted
Posted

>Here are some conversations that the airline passengers don't hear. The

>following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and

>control towers around the world.

>

>

>Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock , 6 miles!"

>

>Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

>

> ===================================================================

>

>"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." "Centre, we are

>at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you

>ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

>

>===================================================================

>

>From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm

>f...ing

> bored!"

>

>Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself

>immediately!"

>

>Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f... ing stupid!"

>

>====================================================================

>

>O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a

>Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

>

>United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the

>little Fokker in sight."

>

>====================================================================

>

>A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll

>out

>after touching down.

>

>San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end

>of

>the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe

exit

>off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

>

>====================================================================

>

>There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing

>because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air

>Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a

B-52

>that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The

>dreaded seven-engine approach."

>

>====================================================================

>

>A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the

>following:

>

>Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

>

>Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

>

> Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in

>Germany. Why must I speak English?"

>

>Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):

>"Because

>you lost the bloody war."

>

>=====================================================================

>

>Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on

>frequency

>124.7"

>

>Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,

>after

>we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the

>runway."

>

>Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,

>contact

>Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern

702?"

>

>Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,

 

>we

>copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

>

>======================================================================

>

>One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short

 

>of

>the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out,

turned

>around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian

in

>the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did

you

>make it all by yourself?"

>

>The Cherokee pilot, replied "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another

>landing

>like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

>

>=======================================================================

>

>The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a

>short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking

 

>location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it

was

>with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following

>exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,

call

>sign Speedbird 206.

>

>Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

>

>Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

>The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

>

>Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

>

>Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location

>now."

>

>Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not

>been

>to Frankfurt before?"

>

>Speedbird 206: "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't

>stop."

>

>=======================================================================

>=

>

>While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight

>departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose

with a

>United 727.

>

>An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air

>crew,screaming:

>"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right

onto

>Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know

it's

>difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it

>right!"

>

>Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting

>hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take

forever to

>sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!

You

>can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I

want

>you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell

you!

>You got that, US Air 2771?"

>

>US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

>

>Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly

>silent

>after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance

engaging

>the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in

every

>cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an

>unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:

"Wasn't

>I married to you once?"

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Claire! Newbie

Claire!

Posted
Posted
Quote:
MKJames said:
I just don't want to look out the window!


No!!! Look out the window!!!!! It's fantastic!!!!! I've only been on a plain twice - once to Australia and back (32 hours!!!!!!!) and once to greece and back!!!!! that was a very funny flight!!!! On the way there we were in the middle of a stag party of about 20 blokes who were very much not sober!!!!! oh it was funny!!!!!!!

When i went to Australia i was on my own, and i was near the window flying over Australia!!!! I looked out the window and the sky was clear, no clouds below us, and all i could see was the red sands of the Australian dessert!!!! Oh it was fantastic!!!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Northern Monkey Newbie

Northern Monkey

Posted
Posted

Has no one else twigged the con about ait travel yet? They put you in a little box and you go up in the air where you cannot see the ground. How do you know for 100% you are where you think you are? I believe Alicante is 2 miles from Cleethorpes and is all within a special compound. All these repped package deals where they take you where they want you to go..... Ibiza nothing you are all just up the coast from Bridlington.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
EFM The Firm, The Voice Newbie

EFM The Firm, The Voice

Posted
Posted

I was quite amazed that you managed to get to Australia in 32hrs Claire! It take's most people at least 42!

 

One thing to remember when on a plane - Sit at the back as no plane has ever reversed into a mountain <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

 

The flight to and from Amsterdam was a bit ropey, on the way there the pilot was asking us to make sure our phones were definanlty off as we were entering a critical part of the flight! Somebody was probably playing snake and the plane was swerving with the movements

On the way home I was just out of it so it didn't matter!

 

It is the safest way to travel but everyday that passes without an air disaster means we are a day nearer the next one!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...