Merv's Telford Diary

[Merv]

7:00 Early alarm call – Saturday is normally a lie-in – to make sure I am at Park Lane for an early start to Telford.

 

8:45 Sat on coach B, ready for the off, wondering what time I can open my first Stella when the rumour breaks; it’s going to be a 5pm kick-off!!! Can this be true? Is it wind-up? Nobody seems to know for certain. Decide to ring Keith Johnson (sorry to get you out of bed, mate) who, slumbering in his Telford hotel says that he hasn’t heard anything about it, but he will double-check and phone me back.

 

8:50 Keith Johnson on the phone. KO delayed until 5pm confirmed. All down to Telford not being able to pay their stewards but their plans for volunteers to do the job is turned down by the police on safety grounds. Last minute panic before Birmingham City stewards are recruited for the task. Only problem is that with Blues kicking off at 12:30, the stewards can’t get to Telford until 5pm. How the hell could this be allowed to happen? What kind of Fred Karno’s Army are we dealing with? How can Jeff get his own back next week? These are the various thoughts running through my head. But, on reflection, perhaps Telford have done the best they can under dreadful circumstances to get the game on at all. Had they been similar to the low life that run Yeovil or Northwich perhaps they might have put the game off until Tuesday night. Five o’clock on a Saturday is one thing, but seven thirty on a Tuesday is quite something else. No, the charitable part of me is thinking that Telford have made the best of a bad job, BUT WHY DID THEY LEAVE IT SO LATE TO LET ANYONE KNOW???

 

9:00 Various phone calls from friends who still remember my internet days, when I was a good source of club information, to ask what the **** is going on. I run my mobile battery down passing on news.

 

9:05 At last we’re off. Only eight hours to kick-off!

 

1:15 Arrive at the ground. Beautiful stadium. How could a club with such superb facilities be broke? Now, to find a pub to sit and while away the next three or four hours. Dave Wallis and his entourage have turned left outside the ground, we’ll turn right.

 

1:20 Find The Roebuck (or was it The Bucks Head?). Lovely pub, only four people in there, good food and draught Stella. I am second to the bar and am met by a tasty looking young barmaid who gives me a smile which gradually turns to a grimace then to a look of sheer horror as she realises the 150 yellow clad people walking past outside are coming in. Olive Oyl (as she was later nicknamed by the fans she antagonised as the pressure steadily grew) is not a happy bunny. Keith Mileman makes the astute observation that she is probably suffering from pre-menstrual angst.

 

2:00 – 3:30 Nice drink, decent nosh, Olive Oyl the ice maiden image gradually thaws and she gives a decent flash of her diamond encrusted thong every time she turns and stoops down for a cool bottle from the chiller. Can’t understand why there are three gorilla-like bouncers mincing around. No problems from our lot. Can’t see Denise or Pat starting any trouble, Vic Monk is too pre-occupied by his gammon steak and two eggs to be a real nuisance. Decide to ask why they think it necessary to keep such a close eye on the Yellow Army. “Oh, it’s not your lot we’re worried about mate. No, you’re a decent lot, no problems there. We’re here to keep out the Telford riff-raff. Don’t want none of those poxy bastards in here,” he tells me, cracking his knuckles as we speak.

 

3:45 Down to the ground. Two long queues of Canvey fans at the two away turnstiles. Both entrances look identical, no mention of concessions at one and full price at the other. No, they wait until we’ve queued and are on the point of paying before they inform you that you should be going in the other gate. Mutter, mutter, get out of queue, go and line up at the other gate. Still, why should I worry, there’s another couple of hours to kill.

 

3:50 Get into the superb stadium. Can’t believe my eyes when I see the pitch. Who’s got the deckchair concession in the near penalty area? What time does the tide come in? Do the beach authorities at Blackpool know somebody has nicked several thousand cubic yards of sand? Never seen so much sand since I took a holiday in Egypt. Dreadful playing surface considering rainfall has been slight this last week.

 

4:00 At last. The game is going to start soon. Hold on though. The man on the PA is about to make an announcement, thanking several people for getting behind the club in their time of need. Then thanking several more people. Then several more. Thank you to directors Mike Ferriday, Robin Eaves, Paul Booth. Thank you to the players. Thank you to the manager. Thank you to the fans, the fans’ mothers and wives. Thank you to the tea ladies and their partners, to the road sweepers and their brooms. It’s like the worst nightmare from the Oscar presentations. More thanks, followed by more thanks. It goes on and on and on. Talk about rubbing our noses in it. Canvey fans moving from a degree of concern and sympathy to boredom then contempt until songs like, ‘You’re Broke and You Know You Are…’ start to ring out after ten minutes of this obsequious clap-trap.

 

Sometime after 4:00 Hoorah! The game has started. Great game. Every single player giving 110% and nobody can be singled out. Nobody that is, except for JK and Wardy who are superb. Also, Neil Midgely having his best game of the season. Duffers is on fire and Boyly always a danger (see Yellow Army’s report for action details). I am thinking that we miss Gregory as Boyly is having to do too much fetching and carrying, but hopefully he will be back next week. Also think that although Chenners stopping ability is beyond reproach, some of his distribution is erratic. Never mind. Pure football pleasure and I can see that Jeff is delighted.

 

Half-time. Beginning to be worried by the Telford Neanderthals who have congregated on the corner of our stand with very little interest in the game, only in taunting the Canvey fans. Chants like ‘Cockney bastards…’ can be heard. Cockneys? Have the Welsh no sense of geography at all. Seriously, they look like trouble and big vote of thanks and confidence for the stewards who spot potential trouble and are round there in a flash, making a human wall between us and them. Am thinking the police were right about the safety certificate as I would not want just a few well meaning volunteers between them and me.

 

6:50 Game over. Nil-nil and a terrific performance. Jeff and Glen are obviously happy and I notice that even JK gives the fans some recognition with a clap in our direction. Brilliant afternoon and well worth the wait.

 

7:15 Now for a long journey home, for the chit-chat and banter about how well we played, how we will finish the job next week, the referee (he was actually very good) and all the other bits and pieces you normally get on the coach after a game.

 

Funniest moment the day: When Canvey fans all waving £10 and £20 notes and singing ‘Loadsamoney’ as Telford sent collectors round the ground for a whip-round.

 

Nicest touch of the afternoon: When the chief steward got onto our coach, just as we were about to leave, to thank the Canvey fans for their good behaviour, courtesy and general good demeanour throughout the afternoon. He wished us a safe journey home and best of luck in the next leg. The whole coach gave him a spontaneous round of applause for this nice touch.

 

Moment when I most wanted to retch: The Telford ‘Thank You’ ceremony that seemed endless. Without a single word of thanks to the Canvey fans who had been pi$$ed around all afternoon, the Canvey team who had been similarly pi$$ed around or our coach drivers who had to go over their allotted hours in order to get us home.

 

[YELLOW]

Funniest Moment of the day: Being accused by 20-30 Canvey supporters of being a Hornchurch fan and being greeted by chants of "we hate Hornchurch" Thanks guys but despite my occassional visits to The Stadium I still prefer to watch the sexy football of Canvey although those Urchinettes are a bit tasty!

 

All pretty funny, you have to laugh!

 

Good diary Merv. I thought that pub we was in was called The Buck's Head unless you went somewhere different. I think the locals were horrified to see 150 plus Canvey fans take over their pub. It was like Wigan all over again!

 

It was ridiculous that the bar in the ground wasn't open when we got there because the chairman held the license but then miracolously opened 30 minutes before kick off!

 

The back slapping and all that, that went on before kick off and at half time was ridiculous and overdone. I know it was an emotional day for those involved with Telford but they went far too over the top with it.

 

As for the Telford thugs, well their lack of colours probably proved they had no interest in the game. I had my camera on me and was tempted to take a picture of them if anything did kick off so these morons could be identified and dealt with accordingly.

 

Great noise made by the Canvey fans and I think the players and management really appreciated the support. I love the way Danny Potter gees up the fans with his attempts to get the fans going. I think he really appreciates the support we give the team and is always the first to salute the fans before and after the matches.

 

A superb day out with so many quality moments. The game was not a classic but was an intriguing and absorbing cup tie. I only hope next week can match this!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Sharming Paula]

Great Diary!!! Sounds like you all had a great day out. Although I wasn't there (hubby don't like me going to away games on me own boo hoo) this diary gives me images of the day. Don't spose you could do this for all away matches ('ave I got a cheek or what.

Well done to the lads - all reports say ya played well. Keep it up!!

See ya at the lane on Saturday. Oh and sod the ol man I'll be on the coach for the final!!

[Urchin Boy]

What You Mean You Ain't A Hornchurch Fan Yellow Army ! <img src="/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

 

I'm Gonna Get Unc To Ban You Now <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

 

LOL At The Funniest Moment Of The Day ! You Lot Do Have A Sense Of Humour After All ! You Feeling Alrite ! LOL ! Bet They Loved That !

 

 

[YELLOW]

No sorry Urchin Boy, I'm not although I do enjoy my occasional visits to The Stadium. I just enjoy watching non league football and as Hornchurch is in easy distance by public transport and I have several friends through this forum that support the club I go down there when I can't make a Canvey away game or we're not playing.

 

Another thing about Telford's ground is that flipping PA system. I was on the phone to somebody an hour before the game and couldn't hear hardly what the other person was saying because they were playing flipping Robbie Williams at full blast!

 

What was it? £2 to pay for car parking! Ridicolous!

Oh and a £1 for a tea!!! And I thought our prices were little on the steep side!

[Phil Old Boy]

From a different view to Merv’s

 

8.45 am. Feeling tired after waking at 3 in the morning and thinking about the day ahead but car all packed and ready to go. Then my father calls to say that he heard that the game had been put back to 5pm. I still say let’s go as planned in case of trouble on the roads. Eventually left just before 10.

 

1pm Reached the area and to kill time, decided to go to Ironbridge to eat our packed lunch.

 

2.30pm Decide to head off towards the ground to see what’s what with the parking.

 

3pm Parked in the stadium (£2) and donated a quid for the bucket, but why?

Was told we could get a coffee in Joshua’s (part of the stadium) and paid over £10 for three coffee’s and 2 orange drinks for the kids!

 

3.45pm onwards. Was told the day previous day by Telford that there would be seating available but we would have to go through our away end and the stewards would let us through to the seats. Not the case, and we had to go back round the stadium and through the seating turnstile for the home fans.

Came out into the stadium and I asked if there was anywhere in particular we should sit but told we could sit anywhere. Started off sitting just past the half way line in amongst the Telford fans but became uneasy shortly after.

Then told by a steward we should move right towards the end near our supporters which I felt more comfortable with. Down there, we had almost a whole section to ourselves to start off with.

Nearer the start, the atmosphere built and as Merv sort of put it, it got quite sickly after a while.

 

The game started and there was a lot of emotion around the ground. To be honest, the first 15 minutes were our hardest test and if they had had their shooting boots on then it may have been a bit different. But we weathered the storm and grew in stature. The pitch our end was an absolute disgrace with the sand and you could barely shoot on that surface as you got bogged down.

During the game, the stewards around me were looking a concerned. I was down of the bottom of the stand with my flag waving daughter and son (second game he has ever been to) but did not notice two Telford fans who had sat down directly behind my Mum and Dad about 20 rows up. Suddenly there was a big commotion and about half a dozen stewards had picked up one of these fans and dragged him out of the ground. Not sure what made them do that but it appears they were going to pick on a 76 and 74 year old. Shame on you so-called fans. I know there was emotion around and a lot to drink, but come on!!

For the second half, we had the opportunity to watch the game from inside the area at the top so we took that.

As Merv has said, glad there were qualified stewards around rather than volunteers.

 

 

Well what can you say. Although there may have been less of our fans who turned up than had hoped, didn’t we make a noise against nearly 3,000 and were FANtastic.

Our players were brilliant and worked so hard and it was a tight game after we had settled down. Both teams huffed and puffed slightly but there were very few chances. Not surprising really given the pitch conditions.

Special mention to Chenners, Gavin and Wardy for such a great display in keeping ‘em out.

 

Now for the 2nd leg. First let’s hope we can be as tight defensively as we were yesterday. The main problem might be unlocking their defence. We need Greggors in there as Junior and Boyly are too similar and some different ideas.

 

It’s going to be a very tight affair again. After our treatment yesterday, (did we get a mention for contributing into their buckets and flag as well), we should not do any favours for this lot. The sympathy has gone for their plight and it is just another club in financial difficulties, not the first.

 

As in the atmosphere yesterday, their 500 or so will all be standing together will make a lot of noise against our fans placed around the Park and this will be an important factor. Wonder if there was some way we could dampen down the noise from their end. Maybe install a bloody loud system to deafen them before the start!

 

[YELLOW]

Going back to Merv's point we've not had the best of luck with cup competitions over previous years.

 

We had the problems with Northwich last season and having to play that game on a Friday night because they didn't have a pitch to play on, on the Saturday (Ground sharing with Witton who already had a game and that took precedence!)

 

We had the Yeovil pitch fiasco and this season we saw the Mangotsfield match switched to a Sunday because they couldn't get enough stewards (look what happened there!!!)

 

Even the Stafford match had problems as we set off at 9am not knowing whether the match was on or not (luckily it went ahead!)

 

I had to admit when I woke up on Saturday morning I had a feeling we would have some sort of problem. Luckily it was nothing serious and the game went ahead albeit a bit later. We do seem to get it, don't we!!!! <img src="/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

[cangull]

Have just read Telford United view of the game.

It really highlights how other supporters view a game.

For instance I thought the sending off was totally justified, because from where I stood Junior was being pinched, punched, elbowed and they were so jealous for his kit they were trying to drag it off him. I also thought Mills adopted the dirtiest tactics I had seen for some time cleverly disguised and all went unnoticed by the referee, who I thought had a fairly good game if not a bit too lenient on their lot!!

www.telfordunited.com

[cangull]

O, BTW Merv, I did notice that Vic Monks eating that great big Gammon Steak, no wonder his piling it on around the middle.

I bet he tried to drag a Scotch out of you.

<img src="/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

[Staying-up]

All sympathy I had for Teford has gone after reading that match report.

Lets stuff them out of sight on Saturday and add to their misery

[TACKLE1000]

Maybe we are wrong with our comments towards you dave, but when the rumours of a column on scumchurch's website, combined with your own "didn't go to stalybridge, went to them instead" comment in our programme, you can maybe understand the MISTAKE? AS THE SAYING GOES, THE PROOF OF THE PUDDING, SHOW US HOW MUCH YOU SUPPORT THE yellow army by remembering that a supporters notebook includes away game's, and doesn't go into details of games played by a team we don't give a monkey's about! P.S. The CAPS in the middle were a typo

[YELLOW]

Right now I know why. The rumours about a column on Hornchurch's website are exactly what they are, just rumours. If other clubs need somebody to contribute something towards their programme from a visiting fans' point of view then I don't mind. I've already done it for Hendon this season before our match with them in September. Don't know where this rumour about the Hornchurch website came from confusing me with someone else I think. Quite frankly I've not got the time to do all this stuff I'm suppose to be doing.

 

As for Stalybridge, well unfortunately and what I failed to mention in my programme column I couldn't make the trip because I had a prior engagement in the evening and instead of sitting around doing nothing I decided to go to the Hornchurch game as I was free during the day. The fact of the matter was I couldn't make the Stalybridge game as I was already busy in the evening. End of!

 

Hope that clears that up and your comments are much appreciated Jimmy.

Don't mind a bit of banter and it's always nice to get feedback on my column but I'm mot secretly working undercover for Hornchurch or any other team.

 

Please talk to me first before coming to wild conclusions. I understand how easy it was to make a mistake but all because I've got friends who support Hornchurch doesn't make me a Hornchurch fan does it? To be honest I didn't know what the hell you were going on about on Saturday! Have to admit this rumour about the Hornchurch website is bloody funny and well wide of the mark!

 

Anyway cheers for the feedback and I'll bear it in mind, no hard feelings mate! As I said I like a bit of banter and appreciate the fact you read the column. I will never mention Hornchurch again!

[CANV EFM]

splitter!! <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

[YELLOW]

Thanks for that CANV! I may give you a mention in the programme!

[YELLOW]

Quote:

TACKLE1000 said:
Maybe we are wrong with our comments towards you dave, but when the rumours of a column on scumchurch's website, combined with your own "didn't go to stalybridge, went to them instead" comment in our programme, you can maybe understand the MISTAKE? AS THE SAYING GOES, THE PROOF OF THE PUDDING, SHOW US HOW MUCH YOU SUPPORT THE yellow army by remembering that a supporters notebook includes away game's, and doesn't go into details of games played by a team we don't give a monkey's about! P.S. The CAPS in the middle were a typo

Yep looking back at Tackle's comment he has a point. More mentioned about the Hornchurch game than Stalybridge/Canvey in that column.

Right from now on it will be 100% Canvey as Hornchurch aren't very good are they? <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

[TACKLE1000]

Clean slate Dave?

[YELLOW]

Yup. Saw you at the Hornchurch game on Tuesday night. Where was your colours? I had my yellow scarf around my neck. <img src="/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

[TACKLE1000]

Got kidnapped by Dave,mick and chris, off the street mind, so didn't have yellow on, would've otherwise!

[YELLOW]

Ha,ha. Pissed a few Urchins off by celebrating both Hendon goals.

[mala_D]

You said you were "gutted"!!!