Woking Res vs Slough Res - Match Report

[GarySTFC]

Do you think it's tongue in cheek??? Enjoy!!!

 

Woking Res 2-1 Slough Res

Capital League

Wed 24th March

 

As so, as the Capital League season nearly draws to a close, it’s time to reflect on some memorable moments experienced through the last few weeks where support for the reserves has been unparalleled up and down the country. No club could be prouder of up to 66 ‘mugs’ turning up on a cold Wednesday evening shouting ‘Up The Stiffs’ to eleven hardy souls playing in the renowned amber.

 

The evening beckoned. The fans grew tense with anticipation. The might of Conference side Woking awaited the Rebels on the eve of the 24th day of the month of March. You could smell the fear in the car as three hardy souls ‘flew’ through the roadworks of the M25 and toward the sacred soil. The floodlights taunted the intrepid trio as they drew closer, being drawn in by the appeal of bright lights.

 

Some expletives, some rubber left on tarmac, and further expletives later and the ground stood before them in all its might. Well, one side of it anyway, the rest was a bit, well, Ryman-esque.

 

The small band of ten stood their ground behind the enemies target with a strange figure guarding it. One Danny Steer had lined up, donning the gloves to keep the old enemy at bay, and for fifteen minutes, he did admirably before resuming his role back on the left flank, terrorising full backs with pace and precision.

 

Three donned in amber camouflage blending perfectly in with their non amber surroundings, mounted a raid on the main prize at the Kingfield with a covert dash around the ground following the breach of the goal from Foyewa in the 25th minute as the mighty Slough backline faltered to allow the red and white quarters of Foyewa clean through and he was able to penetrate the scoresheet with a fine shot of precision. The tall and daunting climb awaited but the three brave fellows continued unpposed on their quest and reached their peak with great salutation to those sharing their surrounding area only to find the enemy scout had spotted the discreet manoeuvres and the ‘death-trap’ stand conquest stood for a mere few minutes as they trudged back down the steep slope of doom to await their pending torture. A torture which never materialised as the three, which quickly had become four, managed their high paced escape away from the fiendish beast.

 

Soon they were back with their fellow troops discussing their adventure over fizzy ale and cake with tales so great as people gathered round to listen to tales of such amazement and daring.

 

And so the half way point in the journey had come with little action to report on from the pitch (Did you notice the padding??)

 

The fine amber warriors returned to the field of action commencing the second half of the game with their foes and found themselves on level terms with a mere 20 minutes gone in the half. The Mexican wave had done its job and the streamers were at the ready. The enemy keeper had taken his position and his improvised saving technique saw him keep out the object of desire with his chin which clearly must have dazed Woking’s Daughtanian (You know, the one from the musketeers. They made a cartoon about him with some other dogs? – the muskerhounds??) whose French flair was momentarily phased as the ball fell to the man with the mullet, yes, Haddow. His shot, firm and true, struck the outstretched leg of a home defender and span vividly and slowly as our Daughtanian flew from one post to another, but it was all in vain. The ‘mugs’ went wild, the streamers went in the air, and poor old Woking supporters must have wondered ‘what the hell is going on’. But they do not understand, it is the CAPITAL LEAGUE. It means everything. GET IN THERE was the travelling armies vocal response as Woking’s three spotty oiks looked bemused.

 

Alas, poor point for a draw, I knew it well. A cruel and hardy blow was returned from the hosts as they pressured a resolute ambers backline with little to no success until a breakthrough came with as little as ten minutes left of the watch. Johnson found space at the back stick and his shot was true and accurate as it found the point which most other shots couldn’t, across the ‘netminder’ into the far corner of the net. The Flintstones came on again – quietly – as the Woking support clearly don’t understand the nature of Capital League football. It is everything.

 

And so, the moon shone, Radders danced aerobically and appeared to be a fat Jade Goody doing even worse dancing (Let’s dance – and get fit!) as the newly legal Ashford (Happy Birthday Dom!!!) looked forward to an eventful evening ahead and a week of sitting on a specially designed cushion to protect that sensitive area.

 

The Rebel Reserve Army came and the players were able to rejoice in the warped and bizarre support they received, although snubbed the offer fizzy ale and chocolate delights at the end of the game.

 

Not often will you see such dedication/lunacy* (delete as appropriate) for a side which is homeless and on the back of a 4-1 defeat at the bottom side in the table, but Capital League is everything.

 

GET IN THERE!

[Radders]

Excellent report, summing up all the important moments as I remember them. Lucky we saw anything at all really, thank god for the World renowned Lathey speed. I wonder, has anyone done junction 12 of the M25 to Wokings ground in 9 minutes before. Very Special. One point you did miss was the moment that the son of the devil almost ruined our chances by blasting the king of yellow footballs onto the playing arena just as Slough played in a devilishly dangerous free kick. Luckily (or unluckily I suppose) no goal resulted and a very sprightly Chris S 'sprinted' onto the field to recover the ball-of-the-year (voted for by Match readers and viewers of Soccer AM).

[Ian]

Great stuff, Gary, and a report which brilliantly captures the strange yet magical world of the Capital League.

 

Can I just point out that I only broke the speed limit once on the entire journey. The fact that it WAS for the entire journey is immaterial. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

[Ian]

You also forgot to mention the Capital League's top referee (Mr Graham Osman) refusing my offer of bribery!

 

[PJ-STFC]

Gary

I trust that this masterpiece will find it's way onto the Official site in due course?

 

It's a pity we don't see the same creativity on the pitch!

 

 

[i wanted to join you last night - after all, I must be the Rebels fan living closest to Woking's ground - but family matters sometimes have to take precedence. I had to go in the opposite direction (towards Godalming) to a concert in which my two elder sons were playing. Maybe next time.]

 

 

PJ <img src="/images/graemlins/chat.gif" alt="" />

[GarySTFC]

I was tempted, but think I may have to do a more refined report for the 'Official Site'. This one will remain firmly as the better of the two mind and I'll probably link from the official report to it...

 

Wonder what Woking fans would think if someone posted it on their site!

[BFR]

Who would have thought it, Stuart Hall at the Capital League!

[chris sliski]

or verbal ! problems....

 

Gary to much fizz !!! LOL

 

 

[Guest]

If only NVQ and OU work contained such content!!!

[Guest]

what was the team?

[Dominic]

Some that played were-

 

Steer,Moller,Browne,Bartley,Hyatt,Whatford(i think),Seedel,Gyoury-(until half time), Haddow.

 

Im sure Mr T will be along soon withthe line up!

 

 

[GarySTFC]

Just think, it could have been G.Thomas in goal... That would have been worth watching!

 

Whatford was no. 8 Dom. There were a few unknowns which need confirming before I put a more 'PC' version on the site.

[GarySTFC]

Let's Dance. And get fit.

 

Ho ho ho:

 

 

 

Sorry to all those who weren't there as it won't be as funny....

[Martin]

Gyoury was back? That is good to hear. Take it he will not be back in the first team this season?

[Radders]

Having looked at the Woking site it looks as though they may have signed Elias from us!

 

Quote:

 

'Glenn also talks about the two new signings he has made, including an asylum seeker from Kosova.'

 

Elias, oh oh oh

Elias, oh oh oh

His passport is a fake

He's better than Barry Rake

 

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