a newspaper office in canary wharf...

[Old Hack]

secretary to editor

 

''the big white chief is on the fone fred''

 

''fck me shirl....wot the fck does 'e want....by the way I aint 'ad a blow job for 3 days...lets fck orf for sum lunch and book into the ritz for a lust up''

 

''you'd better take it fred...he's going bonkers...and you can forget the blow job until I get me rise''

 

big white chief to editor

 

''what the fck is going on over there....christ man...the fckin circulation figures are plummeting.....if you don't get them back on target by next week you're fckin fired and so's that [***!!***] secretary of yours that you've been [***!!***].....and I'll tell yur fckin missus as well....

 

editor

 

''but boss...there's no fckin news at the moment...no one wants to buy papers as there's fck all in 'em....''

 

big white chief

 

''well fckin make some news up you useless [***!!***]....I'll give you two weeks and if you fck up yur out....''

 

slams down fone....

 

editor

 

''shirl....get yur coat on and book the ritz...I've got an idea...and you've got a rise...make sure you've got plenty of lipstick in yur bag''

 

2 days later in a hamburg massage parlour

 

prossie 1 to seedy newspaper lawyer

 

''so let me get this right....me and me two mates pretend to be businesswomen on a break in la manga ....we tap up a few english footie players...wind 'em up for a bit of sex and then scream rape.....

 

and you'll give us 50 grand each.......okay its a deal''

 

seedy lawyer to prossies

 

''well lets get you lot trained up in what to say then and then we'll go and buy some pin striped clobber...make you look like real business travellers instead of fckin [***!!***] from the reeperbahn....''

 

canary wharf

 

editor to shirl

 

''fck me shirl...that was a good lash up in the ritz last week....book us in again this after there's a good gal...by the way...that seedy timeshare crook we exposed a while back and I've been blackmailing ever since...get him in...I wanna speak to 'im....and whilst your at it...get that fckin ghastly piky family in as well...you know...the ones who were running the driveway scam on old ladies.....wot...yeah I know I've been fckin blackmailing them as well...dont fckin answer back...just get 'em all in...''

 

editor to timeshare spiv and pikies

 

''right then...this is what you do...and yur all orf the hook...book into this hotel in spain and then give these statements to the police and the press about these football players...once you've done it...fly back immediately blaming the players for spoiling your holiday....then lie low''

 

associated press

 

three german businesswomen on a 3 day break in la manga spain have been raped and violently assaulted by several cheesester city players...the 3 women...all in the 20's and happily married with children wore conservative business suits whilst giving their statements to the police...

 

seven cheesester city players are now in police custody...eye witness accounts from a british businessman and a british family give clear evidence towards the atrocities being true..

 

both the businessman and the family have flown home immediately stating stress....they are at the moment unavailable for further comment but it is understood that they have sold their stories to a national daily....

 

fred palsy the editor of the 'national wag' announced earlier today that his roving reporters had uncovered the scandal and that if there was any justice these players will be locked up for a very long time...

 

more later...

 

secretary to editor

 

''big white chief on the fone again fred''

 

big white chief to editor

 

''fckin brilliant you old [***!!***]....you get another 50k a year and you can employ another [***!!***] in the front office to cover for shirl when she's orf...ha ha....3 million up on last week...brilliant..''

 

editor takes his tie off and contemplates a blow job in the office from shirl and decides that the new one will have to be younger......fone rings

 

secretary to editor

 

''its that time share spiv fred...shalll I put him thru''

 

timeshare spiv to editor

 

right you fckin old con man....I've got real fotos of these fckin [***!!***] that you set these players up with and they've all got skirts rite up their arses and are playing with the players arses and dicks...you've fckin set this lot up and I'm gonna sell these pictures to your competitors unless you give me a 100 grand''

 

editor to timeshare spiv

 

''now now...dont be hasty...I knew those lads were innocent all along....meet me in the ritz at lunchtime and we'll sort out a deal....I've got a nice lady called shirl thats dying to meet you''

 

editor to secretary

 

''shirl...we're orf to the ritz...get some new lipstick''

 

editor to big white chief

 

''you aint gonna believe this boss but I've uncovered a major scam about this football headline...I knew these boys were innocent.......fck me boss...we'll clean up but I need 3 hundred grand to sort it ''

 

big white chief to editor

 

''no problem fred....you're my boy...just keep the circulation figures up''

 

editor to reuters boss

 

'''arry...how the fck are you...send the private lear will ya...we're orf to spain on a beano and the old mans stumped up the ex's.......I've got a major expose and we'll share it.....yeah yeah...the boys are all innocent...the daily herald set 'em up.......spanish police...nah...duntwurry about them...I'll square 'em....''

 

end of story.....

 

nonesence.......well...look at the fotos of the three 'businesswomen' in a sunday tabloid today and you decide...the 'same stable' weekly tabloid of course exposed the players.....the sunday tabloid is now doubting the charges....

 

[Big J R]

[color:"red"] P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S , Hack ! [****!!****] Priceless ! [color:"black"]

[Uncle Urchin]

well now....looks like there could be some merit in Hackies parable.....anyone see the tabloids today...specially the one with the 'sunday sister'...

 

ha ha ha ha....vice madams........

 

as if we didn't know.....

 

culdn't make it up culdya.... <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

 

and they're still in the nick.....fckin scandal..... <img src="/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

[EMH O30crew]

Mind you..Frank Sinclair is know for scoring own goals!!

[Vogue]

Played