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New Manager


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Whilst mulling over the routes down which we have gone with various managers since promotion to the Ryman Prem. I came across an interesting piece of research undertaken by visiting professor Tim E. W. Aster of the Dept. of Functional Semantics at Nonesuch University in Maryland. Disclosing himself to be a Town fan, Dr. Aster undertook a detailed computational analysis of the fortunes of each of Town’s managers in the division. Using a sophisticated algorithm he discovered to his surprise that tactics, formation and team selection had little to do with the success or otherwise of each manager. Instead, he discovered that it was the syllabic nature of each manager’s name that pointed to success.

 

Wondering why this could be, Aster discovered that two disyllabic names scanned perfectly in terms of the managerial-related songs sung behind the goal. Using ‘Willy Wonka’ as an example Aster pointed out that such a name scanned perfectly in the ‘Blue and white army’, ‘And that is why we like him’ and ‘Give us a wave’ songs. Steve Newing survived for a while, thanks to the two syllables of ‘Newing’ and the cheeky attempt to turn ‘Steve’ into ‘Stevie’, but the footballing Gods soon became aware of such chicanery and decided he had to go. Either of Peter Hammett or Bryan Hammatt could have tasted success, but the decision to go with both left the Enfield choir in a profound quandary: how the heck were you supposed to make ‘Peter and Bryan Hammatt’s blue and white army’ scan? You couldn’t, of course, and they were quickly replaced by George Borg. The choir were now left with a different challenge: how to expand, rather than reduce, the syllabic nature of his name. ‘George’ could become ‘Georgie’ (but the ‘Steve’ into ‘Stevie’ fiasco had already shown that that was unlikely to work). And, frankly, turning ‘Borg’ into ‘Borgie’ just sounded silly. The next appointment, however, was inspired: ‘Bradley Quinton’ ticked all the syllable requirement boxes perfectly and he took the club to its highest ever league position. Clearly no coincidence.

 

The message to the Board is clear: ensure that you choose a manager whose name scans easily in our behind-the-goal songs. Two disyllabic names please. You know it makes sense.

Well the board were obviously not listening. The crowd behind the goal will have to sing Handy Andy's blue and white army or Andy Lee-eese blue and white army.

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Pottrays  he may be...........but a Stokie?......he's a Port Fail fan?

 

So, under his management, football will now be known as 'nogger', players will to taught to 'kick a bow agin a wow and yed it til it bosts', chayse 'n' bacon oatcakes at half time and all future greetings will be "Ay up duck, ow at, owe rate?" And any player stepping out of line is likely to get a 'bosted lip ark'!

 

Welcome Andy mar mate, yowell pureet rate duck.

Edited by WXEn8
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Guess this appointment goes to show that ETFC can attract the biggest managerial names around at this level. The Chesham fans generally seem to have nothing but praise for Andy - for his efforts when the club was struggling as well as when they were giant-killing in the FA Cup and making play-off finals.

 

Now I'm just interested to see how many (if any!) he retains, and who he brings in.

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Could we see the return of former captain Curtis ugah.

Left us and returned finally to Chesham with Andy

 

Thought the consensus was that the Curtis who played for us wasn't the player he once was?

 

I'd be a little concerned at the lack of pace at the back if 40yo Darren Purse was also in the starting line-up.

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Have just been on the phone to Professor Aster following the appointment of Andy Leese and asked him what he made of it in the light of his syllabic findings. What follows is a verbatim tape script:

 

“This would appear to be a risky choice, wouldn’t it Professor?”

 

“Not a bit. In fact, I think the Board has been rather cunning.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Well, look at that final ‘e’. It’s screaming out to be pronounced.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes. Look at “Conte”. Nobody would pronounce it “Cont”, would they?”

 

“Spurs fans might.”

 

“Fair point.”

 

“OK, so what are you saying?”

 

“It’s simple really. The Board has acted on my findings, but is going to fly Andy under the radar. To all intents and purposes it will seem to other clubs that the Board has shot itself in foot by appointing a manager with a monosyllabic surname. But WE know that that final ‘e’ is loaded with syllabic power.”

 

“So what you’re saying is ‘Keep quiet about that final ‘e’ and….”

 

“…and final our inner Conte!”

 

“But won’t all the other clubs now realise how cunning our Board has been and make plans to nullify us next season?”

 

“My dear boy, of course not. You don’t think anyone actually reads this stuff, do you?” 

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I'd be a little concerned at the lack of pace at the back if 40yo Darren Purse was also in the starting line-up.

So we'll have to play Percy alongside him. Our central defence would then be Pursey and Percy!

 

I'll get me coat

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At face value, very good appointments. A proven manager at this level and one with a record of staying at a club (a

testament to not only him but his last club). Not certain whether they will be co-managers or the same sort of arrangement

with Borg-Quinton and Quinton-Porter but we get not one but two well credentialed persons. Darren Purse comes with the

experience of 556 Premier and Football League games under his belt and transfer fees paid for him of GBP2.5 million. Also

played in a League Cup Final and was player of the year during his time at Birmingham City. I saw him play when we were in

London in 2011/12. He was playing with Plymouth Argyle at the time. A no-nonsense, well organized player who will hopefully instil the same in our defence.

Well done to the Board.

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I'm a Slough Town fc fan and I was glad to see the back of Andy Leese in his managers job at Chesham fc because he was excellent for them and we hardly ever got a look in when we played our local rivals.

 

I think Enfield fc, with their non league pedigree, have made a first class appointment, and to get Darren Purse also is a win-win for your club.

 

I'm just glad you're in the Ryman Premier and not the Southern Premier ! ha ha !  

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