Canveys outragous admission prices

[Guest]

Ahahahahaha, had you going then Merv!!!!!!!<p>Cheer up Danny Crane,

Oh what can it mean,

To a thick Essex wonker,

Who is calling the vice squuuaaaadddddd!!!!!

[Merv]

I've been working with a group of English students recently who are trying to get their qualified teacher status. One of the activities I did with them was precis. Basically, this is where you take a written article, say 200 words, and summarise it in about 70-75 words. leaving out all the examples and flowery bits, just leaving the main points of the original.<p>For want of a topic to precis, I asked the students to download all John Crawshaw's postings and use that. More interesting than simply using a newspaper cutting. John has written an impressive 4,747 words on this discussion board and the students were quite daunted until they realised that the first task was to take out all the repetition. Phew! It came down almost immediately to just over 1,400 words. <p>So the task got underway. Summarise the main points of all John's postings in about 850 words. It took some time but, eventually, a group of brighter students did it and I was impressed by the result. But just for fun I gave the 850 word precis that group one had completed and asked group two to do a precis of the precis. Unusual, but good fun. They would need to summarise what they had in about 500 words. Quite a challenge. 500 words of condensed Crawshaw wit, wisdom and literature. But they did it. Took some time, but they did it.<p>By now I was on a roll. Out of devilment I gave the 500 words to another group and asked them to precis it down to 300 words.<p>This went on and on until I had a real gem in my hands. Everything he has written on the discussion board squeezed into just 50 words. It was nectar. All that distilled venom and hatred. How far could I go? 50 words down to 30, then 30 words down to 10. I was intoxicated by the results.<p>A few hours later I had what I have wanted for a long time. All 4,747 words ever written by my old friend (and yet enemy) summarised in a single word. The precis of precis.<p>Any guesses as to what that single word was?

[Guest]

Was it '******'...??? <img src="graemlins/images/icons/confused.gif" border="0" alt="" /> <img src="graemlins/images/icons/confused.gif" border="0" alt="" />

[Guest]

How annoying<p>Was it 'T O S S E R'[/b]...???

[David Holden]

Was it TWAT?

[Guest]

Dear Mr Merv CIFC<p>Was it neurosis by any chance?

[scoot]

Dr Zbungle, why you called that? you look like that hairy thing from Rainbow or you have a habit of botching operations? if im right on the last one, was that John Crawshaw the unlucky patient? or did he just offer that brain of his for research.... <img src="graemlins/freak.gif" border="0" alt="" /> <img src="graemlins/freak.gif" border="0" alt="" />

[Guest]

was it honest!!!!!!

the man(JC) speaks the truth!!!!

its just canvey can't f**king take it!!!

[Andy the Marsh Rat]

It has to be Canvey,or could it be envy?No,I,ll stick with Canvey(I,ve been supporting Canvey for ten years but I don,t know half the things about them that John does!!)

[Guest]

Well said Gravesend Boys, this Canvey lot love dishing it out but sure don't like getting it back!

Merv, distilled venom and hatred? me? surely not? Glad my postings were of some use to you and your students, now they can try and work out you and your pals postings that'll keep em busy for a while, not foriegn students are they? If so I wonder what they'll tell the folks back home, ze engleeesh are crazy!

Get em to work this one out

Danny Crane, Danny Crane

Danny Danny Crane,

He's talking krap again,

Coz he's got no brain,

Danny Danny Crane

Easy to wind up some people, hahahahahaha!!!!!!!

[cangull]

Condensed to 'Drivel'?

[cangull]

Gravesend Boys - Not allowed on the G&N Message board then?

Don't seem to remeber seeing any psoting from John Crawshaw on there either.

Has the Fleet got Peed off with you two as well?

[Guest]

Well Vic you'd know all about talking drivel and why did it take another 5mins to think up the rest, couldn't you manage it all in one posting?

[cangull]

John - Do you have a home forum or are you nomadic?

Could it be that you are awaiting someone to adopt you?

Are you on a learning curve to be a politician? or are you already a fully fledged politician? they talk drivel too most of the time. If so what party would you belong to?

Maybe you are someone from outer space, yes a space traveller; descended to Earth to create mayhem.

That possibly is a good thread John, what do you think.<p>

[Merv]

I've decided to retire from John Crawshaw baiting. This will be my last post directed at JC as the fun has gone out of it now.<p>In spite of some terrific opportunities I have given Mr Boring, he just doesn't seem to have the intellect to reply any more. I was ready for some parrying and deft footwork that would both amuse and entertain at a reasonable IQ level, but Johnny boy has all but thrown in the towel. <p>Those little poems at the end of your messages are not worthy of you John. The first time it was mildly amusing but after three or four repeats - yawn, yawn.<p>Your language and literary style has descended to something little better than Gravesend Boys. I thought your;<p>Cheer up Jeffrey King,

Oh what can it mean,

To a fat Essex bxxtard...<p>was below you, but you have used a variation on the same sad theme to poetic disgrace several times now - never to any great humourous effect. That sort of stuff might appeal to a cretin but I thought we were locked into clever and witty debate. Your use of the word twat is also less than I would expect of someone with your potential ability.<p>We used to joust with razor-sharp words and piercing put-downs but now you offer no resistance of any quality so, goodbye.<p>Oh, and the final word of the precis was handed to me on a piece of paper by one of my dyslexic students. It said, 'skcollob'.

[Guest]

Credit where its due Vic, you've got me sussed, I have indeed decended from outer space with strict instructions to cause mayhem on the CIFC message board! I'd like to think I've done a good job!

Merv, the cheer up Jeffrey King song was sung so many times at Bedford, by both sets of fans, that I can't get it out of my mind, though why anyone would want to ridicule such a mild mannered gentleman I can't imagine!

As for use of the word twat I think 'Canv' now has a copyright on it!

[frenchy]

Merv, I thought you were being a bit big-headed with that resignation speech but looking at JC's reply above, I can see your point now.<p>Thanks for the laughs you have given us but I agree, go out on a high note. It was getting a bit easy, wasn't it?<p>Au revoir.

[Guest]

Merv big headed? Surely not?

And whats wrong with my reply? Its no worse than most of the drivel written by CIFC fans!

In fact I could never understand why there are so many of them on here and yet so few at matches, couldn't be that some are posting under several different names could it?

I'd agree with Merv on one thing though, the fun has gone out of it now, in fact its getting boring, but just one more time for that jolly, portly fellow,

Cheer up Jeffrey King,

Oh what can it mean,

To a fat Essex bxxtard,

And a sxxt football teeeeaaaaaaammmmmmmm!!!!!!!!

[canfan]

John I know you are upset with JK but why are you upset with canvey fans and the club, your first few postings back in the early days were quite good topical debates but you seem to have stooped to a real low intellectual level.

You keeps repeatedly saying CIFC "**** club la bla bla" but anyone with any sense can clearly see that for a club that has gone as far as we have in the last 7 - 8 years with all the cup success we have had and then clocking up nearly 100 points to get 2nd in the league is not the sign of a "**** club bla bla".

If lowering yourself to such demeaning antics pleasures you and helps you overcome your fanatical hatred towards JK, then glad to be of service, can I also recommend some anger management classes for you and Gravesend boys and a time machine trip back, where a pint was 2d and entry to a football match was 1d, Oh and I'll send a selection of non league football clubs for you to choose one from so you have a team to support.

Now as far as number of fans are concerned we at Canvey rely on quality rather then quantity, (so I'll leave us out of the list being sent to you), although I am mystified as to why this subject bothers you so much being that you have such a dislike for CIFC and it's fans, If I did not know better, one could mistake it as envy?

Let me know how you get on at the anger management classes if you decide to take them on and when you have decided what club to support maybe we could discuss how well their doing and start a conversation on it.

Bye for now and again glad to have been of some service..

[Guest]

Canfan, glad you found my postings from the early days good topical debates, perhaps I've stooped to the level of certain other people on this board.

To set the record straight I'm not upset with JK nor do I have any hatred towards him, so no need for any anger management, but such a charming, mild mannered, inoffensive chap is bound to leave himself wide open to a bit of stick and not just from my good self I might add, it seems most of the Ryman league took great delight in seeing him fall flat on his face!

And there's another thing, why are CIFC so disliked in non league circles? Normally in the non league game there's a bit of friendly rivalry and nothing more but there does seem to be a lot of annomosity towards CIFC and to a lesser extent Aldershot, though I gather that has lessened greatly since they parted company with the equally charming Mr Borg!

It was quite evident that most people wanted anyone but Canvey to win the league, making Gravesend extremly popular, along with the very catchy cheer up JK song!

The club should also be very concerned about their embarrasing attendances, that wouldn't be anything to do with JK would it? Or could it be their admission prices? I don't think I've mentioned them before!

Anyway I'm glad you do know better and haven't mistaken my postings as envy, after all no offence but was is there for me to be envious about?