Windsor FC's Rules of Football

[Rother]

Windsor FC - The Rules - thought I ought to put these up on the Windsor forum.

 

1. Windsor must win the game.

2. Windsor must give away a penalty.

3. Dennison must save said penalty.

4. If by chance Harris is fit to play, at some stage he must sit on his bottom with his legs stretched out in front of him, pulling his socks up after tricking the defender into scything him down.

5. There does not have to have been any actual contact for 4 (above) to occur.

6. Tony Thompson must start shouting instructions at the players 1 second into the game and continue doing so without pausing for the entire duration of the game.

7. The instructions referred to in No 6 need not have been intelligible to anyone in the ground, but must always have been delivered in an upper octave.

8. Kyle Lucas must turn the opposition right back into a human corkscrew.

9. Rob Lazarczuk must kick the ball away at every opposition free kick.

10. He must also stand 6" away from the ball as the opposition attempt to take said free kicks.

11. Oh, and these antics must cause the referee to book him. Every game.

12. No matter how good a game the referee has, the Windsor supporters congregated behind the goal must find a reason to consider him an incompetent buffoon at some point in the proceedings.

13. We must miss any penalty awarded to us.

14. Speaking of the officials - Jock must disagree with every single decision they make. If that is not the case, play must be abandoned due to a collective fainting fit amongst the other Windsor supporters.

15. If the opposition are really poor, Windsor fans must chant "Are you Slough Town in disguise?" at least once.

Added by Hayden on the Forum. I like these.

16. Dan Hicks must recover miraculously from at least one life threatening injury per game.

17. Mal must completely miskick a ball onto the pitch and go nowhere near where intended.

18. George Gould must not get his hands muddy.

19. The old gits on the Chicken Run must talk about something that happened in a game from 25 years ago - bonus point awarded if it involves a miraculous comeback when all seemed dead and buried.

20. The oppo keeper's banter-ometer must be tested in the 1st minute. If he fails to respond with good humour he is to be given an uncomfortable afternoon. Bonus points awarded for every finger given by keeper, whether delivered behind his back or face on.

21. New rule being considered for 2014/15: Opposition fans are to be given a glimpse of the playing surface before being allowed to approach the turnstiles - only those who gasp and say "wow, look at that pitch" are to be allowed entry.

[Don't Blame Me]

This deserves to be reproduced in the programme. I am sure that more can be added   

 

Great match report by the way.