4-5-1 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 It's seems this forum always seems abit negative so the cheer it up abit I was wondering if any of you have some funny jokes I can go tell on the building site tomorrow!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFC Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 It's seems this forum always seems abit negative so the cheer it up abit I was wondering if any of you have some funny jokes I can go tell on the building site tomorrow!!! Mentioning Rafa Benitez always gets a laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mayor Of Simpleton Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Brits and the Polish aren't as different as we’d like to think: We both drink too much booze, eat a lot of meat and neither of us want to be in Poland. I've just heard a lamb on a karaoke machine. She did a great rendition of Paul Simon's 'You can call me Halal'. Sky news: Missing US tourist found dead in Turkey Kind of overshadows the horse meat found in burgers story eh? I watched my wife sleeping and thought, "Our marriage it going downhill. All I seem to do is spend money on her and I'm starting to resent it." To make things worse, I've got to take her on honeymoon tomorrow. I can't believe our 4 year old son is already looking at porn online! I said to my wife when she checked the internet history. What separates men from animals? Divorce A gymnast walks into a bar She gets a two-point deduction and ruins her chances of a medal. Tory MPs are urging David Cameron to delay a decision on gay marriage. I bet it was George Osborne who proposed to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4-5-1 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 Lol!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigger1 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Here is a good one. Why did the chicken cross the road?????? To get to the other side Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4-5-1 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 Doctor Doctor I feel like a needle.............I can see your point!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rother Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 My piky mate has just got his kids a trampoline and a couple of bikes for Christmas from the internet. I asked him which website he saw them on. He replied, "Google Earth" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rother Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Today I bought myself some sensible walkin boots, a new ordinance survey map, a nice hand carved walkin stick & a rucksack. Then I went up to the Peak District, walked for about 5 miles stopped, sat on a stone wall, had a flask of coffee, Then I walked another 5 miles, had a biscuit & then I... ...oh, Sorry mate, I'm rambling!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4-5-1 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 Brilliant!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Farleigh Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 The dog is barking at the back door and the wife is yelling at the front door, which one do you let in first? The dog of course! It will shut up once its in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mayor Of Simpleton Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 A good one from Jimmy Jones: A black guy goes to the doctor... 'Doctor, I have got some trouble with my chopper' 'Okay' says the doctor 'let's take a look at it.' The black guy drops his trousers and his 'chopper' shoots up into the air - nearly going through the ceiling. 'Bloody hell!' says the doctor. 'You've got more to pee with than I have to walk with.' 'I told you!' says the black man. 'It's always like this - it won't go down at all. I've tried everything doc.. I banged it against a wall and the wall fell down!' 'Right' says the doctor. 'Meet me tonight at Euston Station on Platform 7... we'll get your 'chopper' back to normal!' So the two of them meet up that evening at Euston Station. 'Okay' says the doctor 'Get on the train and, once it builds up some speed, stick your chopper out the window.' 'Okay Doc' says the black man 'What will that do?' 'The air will cause the muscles in your chopper to relax, so you won't be hard anymore' says the doctor. 'Sounds good' says the black man. So they get on the train and pretty soon it is speeding towards Watford Junction. They pass through Harrow Station and the doctor says 'right, stick your chopper out the window now!' The black man does as he's told and the doctor tells him 'let me know when you feel it starting to shrink back.' Five minutes pass... 'any good?' asks the doctor. 'Still hard, doc!' Another five minutes pass... 'what about now?' asks the doctor. 'No, still hard!' Ten minutes later... 'still hard?' 'Yes doc, and what the hell am I going to do with these mail bags?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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