O/T Humour

[Cookie]

Where I've been, where I've never been & where I don't want to go!

 

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently,you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have,however,been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

But one place I don’t ever want to be is in Continent.

Have a nice day!

Edited December 8, 2011 by Cookie

[Cookie]

The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !!

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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately,there's only one space left that day,so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

 

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these,they're the most perfect breasts God ever created,and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

 

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.

Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'

 

Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.

She wees into a toilet and she gets in!

Would you explain that to me?'

 

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven,a Royal Flush beats a Pair - No Matter How Big They Are.

Edited December 8, 2011 by Cookie

[Cookie]

Not so much humour this one but a warning to you all

 

Not all thieves are stupid.

 

This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.

 

GPS (sat-nav)

A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.

When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen. The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.

Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it.. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.

 

 

 

MOBILE PHONES

This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... Etc...was stolen.

20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.' When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.

 

 

 

Moral of the lesson:

 

 

Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.

 

Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc....

 

And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.

 

Also, when you're being texted by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you..

Edited December 8, 2011 by Cookie