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marksandwell

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A local newspaper reporter friend of mine was too late for this scope to be in this week IOTG, but he has forwarded on his article.

 

 

 

Today saw an amazing twist in the MFC Stadium rebuild. Appointed Stadium builders ‘Sporadic Building Services’, who not only specialize in Football Stadiums but also according to their promotional brochure.

 

“ We specialize in tutting & sighing, pushing back hat & scratching head. Sucking teeth & wincing. Laughing at you DIY, slagging other builders off and over reaction guaranteed. We also promise to have radio one on very loud, drink gallons of your tea, wolf whistles, obscene gestures, wife’s bra put on head, underwear drawers rifled and lingerie stolen. Every job will include 6 bags of hardened cement left by your front door, plaster trailed through your home at no extra cost.”

 

 

Had started work on the new stadium today, however due to poor communication had quoted for and started on Ramsgate’s Southwood Ground. The owner of ‘Sporadic Building Services’ a Mr Sham MacHenna, said he had just won the bid on a spade from ebay and was keen to get started.

 

 

Shortly after arriving after their third cup of tea, a Japanese Second War pilot ran at them shouting “Torra Torra Torra”. The pilot ‘Foo All Pri ’ had arrived at Southwood during 1942, when his Sat Nav (made in China) which was supposed to send him to London had misdirected him to Southwood. Sham sent for an interpreter a Mr Leith Hewis who translated. It would appear ‘Foo All Pri ’ had not seen anyone or heard anyone at Southwood for the past 70 years, he did state occasional a round leathery large fruit would hit him on the head, but he assumed this was a new weapon. The only contact ‘Mr Foo All Pri’ had was a couple of fliers (marketing litreature) which had blown his way. He said before going back to his lovely bamboo house in Hiroshima, and visiting his favourite sea food restaurant in Fukushima, he was going to the see the New Ramsgate Greyhound Track and the Model village, and was eager to try this wonderful dish called a Pizza, and visit a quaint Scottish diner called McDonalds.

 

 

When the reporter told Sham he had been working on the wrong stadium. Sham pushed hip cap back and started wincing. When asked when would he start on Hartsdown park, he scratched his head and said “it’s a bigger job than he thought, after all Southwood was already partly demolished” but he guaranteed if he won the wheelbarrow he had just bid on, he would start at the weekend as a special favour.

 

 

When ‘Foo All Pri ’ went to leave, the Directors of Ramsgate asked him to pay for the 70 season tickets that he owed them. But as an out of court settlement, he gave the Directors his Sat Nav and a shiney pebble, which everyone seemed happy with.

 

 

Edited by marksandwell
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