BEST JOKES - CHRISTMAS 2010

[littlehampton]

What with this proverbial 'brass monkeys' weather, Christmas shopping, and not much football being played around the country at the moment, thought it might be fun to start a new thread for everyone to post their favourite jokes, to cheer others up and get everyone in the festive mood.

 

Think we all know a few good jokes, and football folk are renowned for their sense of humour, so let's prove the point on the ETFC fans forum and see how many we can come up with, over the next few days, in the run-up to Christmas.

 

Everyone is invited to contribute and, hopefully, we can serve up a few new ones, football related or otherwise, which can be repeated during your Christmas festivities.

 

Here are a few to kick the ball into play :-

 

Football Jokes

 

Football players are the only people who can dribble and still look neat.

 

When the manager of a local club started to discuss tactics, some players thought he was talking about a new kind of peppermint.

 

For a few minutes we were in with a great chance. Then the game started.

 

Thought you said he eats, drinks and sleeps football. He does, he just can't play it.

 

They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full. My team hasn't even seen the cup !

 

Tommy Cooper Jokes

 

I went to the doctor the other day.

I said 'With all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep'.

He said 'Try lying on the edge of your bed, you'll soon drop off!'

 

I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas!

It's not her main present only a stocking filler......

 

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah the other day, I thought 'he's trying to pull a fast one'.

 

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. Later I rang her up, I said ' Do you get my drift ?'

 

Two cannibals eating a clown.

One says to the other ' Does this taste funny to you ?'

 

AND FINALLY .................

 

I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem ?'

I said ' I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.

He said ' How can I help ?'

I said ' Break my arms!'

 

There you go. I'm sure you can match or improve on these gems. Share your own with others, raise a laugh, and help lift everyones spirits as we battle the elements and await 'Towns' next match.

 

Enjoy and a 'Very Happy Christmas' to everyone.

[Bald Fella]

Footie

 

man farts in bed, says to wife 1-0

wife farts & says 1-1

Man farts & says 2-1

wife farts, 2-2

Man farts, follows through & ****'s the bed.

What was that asks wife?

Half time he says, swop sides!

[littlehampton]

Come on folk it's that time of year and so far we have had 150 viewings and only one new joke posted. Well done Bald Fella. Bet your everyones favourite over Christmas dinner !

 

Christmas Day is closing in fast, only 4 short days away. Surely, viewers on this fans forum must have some good jokes or one-liners they are willing to share with others at this special time of year.

 

There are stacks around, so let's have your own personal favourite. Here are a couple more to set the pace ..........

 

Q. What do reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?

A. Freeze a jolly good fellow.

 

Good King Wenceslas phoned Dominos for a pizza -

The salesgirl asked him " Do you want your usual Deep pan and crisp and even ?"

 

And finally --------

 

Q. " How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing Day ?

A. Tell him a joke on Xmas Eve !"

 

How many more can we come up with ?

 

Let's hear from YOU.