Team Talk

[marksandwell]

First Pre Match Team Talk

 

Jesus XI v Roman All Stars

 

Saturday April 28^th 0033. 2.00pm

 

As we all know the so called “Last Supper” was in fact a Team Talk by the Manager/Player Jesus and his team, which included 2 Substitutes. When the official artist failed to turn up, an up and coming artist offered to quickly paint the team at the pre match team talk.

 

The artist who had a great sense of humour was sure the Roman All Stars would thrash them, so he humorously called it “The Last Supper”.

 

As the more perceptive of you know this is indeed an anagram of “That Pee Slurp” or as later scholars have argued “Slap Herpes Tut”.

 

However as we now know that the Latin for “The Last Supper” is PERMANEO SUPPER. Which roughly translated means. “Pre match Team Talk with high Carbohydrate Diet”

 

Minutes taken from meeting.

 

At this Team Talk, the then Manager Jesus choose also to put himself forward for selection, some of the team were unsure if this was best, especially Thomas who doubted this arrangement was best. However Judas said he certainly would back Jesus 110%. In fact he would back him up to the hilt.

 

The brothers Peter & Andrew. (Peter who was previously known as Simon, but due to transfer complications opted for an alias name to bypass the then stringent Jerusalem FA.) Argued about who would take Goal. Peter who claimed to have the biggest net, said it should be him. Andrew felt his net was better as it was slightly smaller. So the team agreed Andrew should take Goal. Peter was in defence with the other two brothers James & John Zebedee. Who s farther had supported them at pre season friendlies but was banned from attending by the stewards for keep springing up & down, and telling supporters “It’s time for Bed”. He has since been signed to the register, and will no longer attending games.. The final defender was Philip.

 

Jesus decided on four midfield. These were Bartholomew, Thomas, James & Matthew. (Matthew was responsible for collecting subs, and was the club treasurer)

 

Upfront Jesus was to play himself along his trusted best friend. Judas.

 

Subs Simon and Thaddaeus. (pending international clearance)

 

Jesus said the tactics were quite simple he would be in the centre, awaiting crosses.

 

He also warned Peter about not giving the ref grief, especially when he blows the whistle three times.

 

Many set pieces had been practiced at their training ground in The Garden of Gethsemaney.

 

Simon who was also acting as Physio asked Jesus to leave the water alone in the bucket, as it was starting to turn a reddish colour.

 

The rest of the team asked if at half time could they have something else other than bread & fish.

 

Jesus then dropped a bombshell, and told the team that this would be his last game for the Team. (Fuelling speculation, that he had been poached by Herod United.)

 

The meeting was then ended when a Mr Dan Brown, cam into the room shouting about a Code.

 

Match report to follow.