lets liven things up a bit

[CANV EFM]

1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you're gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

 

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming Fag. A cat is like a dog, but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun,come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY.

 

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-dummies, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a Fag.

 

4. If you refuse to have a [***!!***] in a public toilet or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

 

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick in there too.

 

6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out a free pass to your [****!!****]. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the NRL, Super 12 Rugby, Cricket, PGA, NBL, and Supercar series. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!

 

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you're hungry for man sausage. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow-[****!!****] Volvo drivers or to cut the mother***ker off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, finger the beotch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's black, talk on his mobile phone.

 

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware. Or keep that sh*t to yourself, you flamming [***!!***]!

 

9. If your name is Marty, Brent, Josh or Nat then stop living in denial. You're a dung punching [****!!****] bandit from way back and everyone knows it.

 

[pabird]

10. can sing along with Shirley Bassey with all the hand moves

 

 

[Laz]

Nice one: 0 out of 9 for me.

[EFM The Firm, The Voice]

Quote:

CANV said:

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming Fag. A cat is like a dog, but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun,come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY.

4. If you refuse to have a [***!!***] in a public toilet or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

2. My mate ran a cat over in his car on Saturday, I said "well done", he went to see the family and had promised to pop in and see them again today - He's not gay but his twin brother is so maybe a few of the genes were scattered incorectly

4. Ask EFM'sL about this one <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I've got 0/9 as well.

[Stu B]

I find pictures like this liven things up quite quickly...

[EFM's Librarian]

Quote:

EFM The Firm, The Voice said:
[
4. Ask EFM'sL about this one <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I knew you'd bring that up. I have no problem urinating in public loo's but you 2 were encouraging me to take a leak in the doorway of the ladies toilet. I just thought it was a bit rude. I did it in the end anyway. And who were the 2 people 'drinking' Malibu and Pineapple on Saturday?

[EFM The Firm, The Voice]

It is summer

Malibu is a summer drink

 

 

[CANV EFM]

fk me its hot out there.. thank god for c2c's air conditioned trains

[EFM The Firm, The Voice]

You wait until the tracks expand in the heat and the service is suspended then about 10 trainloads of people have to get on one train, won't be so comfy then <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[ESG]

Post deleted by ESG

[CANV EFM]

i got on one last year when the A/C had broken.. it was rammed and these new trains have no opening windows.. absolutly fecking baking

[EFM's Librarian]

According to the BBC they're already slowing trains down because there is a threat that the tracks may melt. EFMFTFTV, is there any chance that they may stop the trains running altogether, and give me a few days off work?

[EFM The Firm, The Voice]

I doubt it.

There is a 30mph speed limit over all our lines for freight trains at the moment - Out trains rarely get over 30mph anyway.

[CANV EFM]

freights trains... do those things still exist? or are they trains full of fat commuter birds?

[ESG]

you've met the wife then.....

[Chubbhead EFM]

If Number 5 is true then half our customers are gay! Actually, I always find that the gayest coffee of all is a single espresso. I just don't see the point of it.