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no.1 at xmas 1971

 

 

 

Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)

 

You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground,

And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round.

And he galloped into market street, his badge upon his chest,

His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

 

Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue,

She lived all alone in Liddley Lane at number 22.

They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic,

But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week.

 

They called him Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

 

She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"

And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart.

He said, "D'you want it pasturized? 'Cause pasturized is best,"

She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."

 

That tickled old Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

 

Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man,

Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van.

He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread,

And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head.

 

She nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said, "If you treat me right,

You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night."

He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way,

And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day.

 

Poor Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

 

One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door,

It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four.

And as he lept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course,

And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse.

 

Whose name was Trigger, (Trigger), and he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west.

 

Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hand,

He said, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man."

"Oh why don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied,

"And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side."

 

Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun,

They stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun.

But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned,

And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand.

 

Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart,

As Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart.

And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust,

Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust.

 

Poor Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

 

Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die,

And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky.

Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned,

And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land.

 

But a woman's needs are many fold and Sue, she married Ted,

But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed.

Was that the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate?

Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate?

 

They won't forget Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

 

 

 

 

 

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Grandad by Clive Dunn (number 1 - Jan 71)

 

118947-dunn.jpg

 

I've been sitting here all day thinking

Same old thing ten years away thinking

Now my days are gone, memories linger on

Thoughts of when I was boy

 

Pennyfarthings on the street riding

Motorcars were funny things, frightning

Bow and hoops and spinning tops

Annie gretzel's lollipops

Comic cuts, all different things

 

Grandad, grandad you're lovely

That's what we all think of you

Grandad, grandad you're lovely

That's what we all think of you

Grandad grandad

 

Areoplanes tied up with string flying

Telephones and talking things sighing

A radio and phonograph, Charlie Chaplin made us laugh

Silently falling about

Familiar things I keep around, near me

Memories of my younger days, clearly

Now it's in my mind?

Everyday I find, thoughts of when I was boy

 

Grandad, grandad you're lovely

That's what we all think of you

Grandad, grandad you're lovely

That's what we all think of you

Grandad, grandad

 

 

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Christmas number 1 - 1982

 

Save your love my darling, save your love

For summer nights with moon and stars above

A serenade I long to sing you

The reddest rose I'll always bring you

Save your love for Roma and for me

 

Darling I will love you endlessly

Even though you're far away from me

I can't forget the words I told you

How it felt to love and hold you

Love like ours will last eternally

 

Save your love my darling, save your love

For summer nights with moon and stars above

A serenade I long to sing you

The reddest rose I'll always bring you

Save your love for Roma and for me

 

Even though it's been so very long

The memory of our love still lingers on

I can't wait to hold and kiss you

Don't you know how much I miss you

Darling sing for me our lovers song

 

Salva l'amore cara, salva l'amore

Le notte d'estate la luna l'estelle lassu

A serenade I long to sing you

The reddest rose I always bring you

Salva l'amore per Roma e per me

 

(La la-la la-la la-la la-la) io ti amo caro

(La-la la-la la-la la-la la-la) I love you

I can't wait to hold and kiss you

Don't you know how much I miss you

Darling, sing for me our lover's song

 

Save your love my darling, save your love

(Oh you know that I will)

For summer nights with moon and stars above

(Oh I love you still)

A serenade I long to sing you

The reddest rose I always bring you

Save your love for Roma and for me

 

 

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Quote:
Christmas number 1 - 1982

Save your love for Roma and for me



Unless you're a Lazio fan obviously!!
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