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Harefield United....

Kaiser Jnr
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Giant Reed Newbie

Giant Reed

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Posted

Smiles,my dear chap.You are obviously an accomplished raconteur.

You no doubt spend your evenings hosting exclusive dinner parties,where you regale your spellbound guests with tales of your family's glorious colonial past.

As they doubtless tuck into the finest of braised Wood Pigeon.

 

However,far be it from me to pass water on your parade,but it would appear that old Trumper was nothing more than a gin soaked brigand.

Apparently,he was excluded from polite society after he was caught 'aveing it orf with the Brigadier's kindly old Alsatian!

 

The Brigadier was,understandably,apoplectic with rage and he blasted poor old Trumper squarely in the Jacobs with the elephant gun!

A rather inglorious end to old Trumper's militiary career,don't cha think?

 

A skeleton,dear boy, is best left in it's closet!

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samuelsmiles Newbie

samuelsmiles

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Sir, I have presently returned to my estate after a rather agreeable tea dance with my Daphne at Harefield House, to read your dreadful, dreadful nonsense.

 

Colonel Sandy 'Trumper' Smiles did, indeed, enjoy a gin whilst entertaining his coterie, however, he knew his limits. You have, I'm sure, come across the term, 'having hollow legs', well old Trumper, as you know, had a hollow wooden leg.

 

Far from being a drunken sot, Wisden's almanack from 1921 refers to the cricket match against the Poona Casuals Select XI in glowing terms, with particular attention paid to my great grandfather's long innings for the Rangoon Missionary 3rd XI.

 

Hampered by the lack of a leg, Trumper compiled an innings of dogged determination, and over a period of thirteen days ammassed 12 runs in a total of 983. A contribution that helped Rangoon to a 6 wicket victory. Hardly 'inglorious'.

 

Your references to the alsation seem, to me, to be an attempt to blacken the good name of the Smiles's which has a lineage of posh bastards all the way through to myself, Daphne and Bear Grylls.

 

You are a cad, Sir, and I don't care much for your attitude. Also, your predilection for 'fancy dogs' and ornamental fish is a worry.

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Giant Reed Newbie

Giant Reed

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Apologies for my tardiness in responding to your latest barrage of drivel.

I have been at Wimbledon,enjoying myself in the Royal box....Jimmy Tarbuck and Elaine Paige send their kind regards.

 

Smiles,you are obviously a chap of infinite jest,and most excellent fancy.

Your staunch defence of the Smiles' family name is to be commended,particularly in light of their shame,disgrace,and subsequent societal exclusion.

 

However,far be it from me to pour yet more oil on your already deeply troubled waters,but I must tell you that I have been courting Daphne for these past twelve minutes, and she has kindly agreed to be my wife.

The wedding will take place this coming Saturday,and you are cordially invited to attend.

 

It will be held at noon in the church of the sacred plague in the village of Urinestains,about two and a half miles south of Brighton.

As for wedding gifts,an extra large four poster bed would be nice,as I am a big BIG man.

Failing that,a Goblin teasmaid should prove sufficient.

 

Best wishes,

 

Giant Reed and Daphne.

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samuelsmiles Newbie

samuelsmiles

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Sir, may I be the first to congratulate you on your impending marriage to my Daphne. She took the Bentley late last night, and has brought a little present for you with my compliments. She doth have the clap. How about that for a Royal box, Reed?

 

I'm also glad you're having the wedding in the pleasant village of Urinestains, for Daphne does so have a problem keeping everything under control of a night.

 

Sir, you have made your bed with Daphne, now you can lie in it.

 

Best Wishes,

 

Samuel

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Rhodes Grand Master

Rhodes

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I think that could well be one of the surprise results of the Extra Preliminary Road, Harefield United will think they only need to turn up to win but Tom Loizou will have other ideas.

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Wader Newbie

Wader

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Originally Posted By: samuelsmiles
29th Aug, FA Cup: Extra Preliminery Round


91: Harefield United or Haringey Borough v Biggleswade Town

We're gonna take you down Bigg Town. Ya big time Charlies. smile


I left the club at the end of the season, so you can do as you like.....but personally speaking I think you'll have your shorts taken down and given another damned good hiding greenapple
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Rhodes Grand Master

Rhodes

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I suggest that Harefield United send somebody in a trench coat and fedora to Haringey Borough's first match of the season on 8 August and their midweek game on 12 or 13 August in order to know what to expect at Preston Park on the 15th, Tom Loizou is sure to have something up his sleeve.

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Horace Newbie

Horace

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Cheshunt in the Southern League Premier Division!

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Rhodes Grand Master

Rhodes

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Originally Posted By: the hare

would you enlighten me on some of his achievements and previous clubs.

How long do you have
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yam yam Newbie

yam yam

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Originally Posted By: the hare
wasnt it biggleswade who got a good hiding when they came to preston park at the beginning of last season.







so.....we have a new prat on the forum excited


Welcome!

please remind me who won the SSML Premier League last season.... doh

you can smack all the arses you want....until it requires bottle(if i remember rightly you enjoyed your visit to the Carlsberg Stadium giveup)

now jog on.....and admire your runners up medal evil
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