GHA WILL APPRECIATE THIS..

[CANV EFM]

whilst surfing through some old e mails in a long lost file i happened upon this little gem from 1999..

 

Subject: FW: Cat curry

 

 

An American magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit

new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below are the winners:

 

5th place (Subject: Probability Theory)

If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of

pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite

number of highway signs, they will eventually write the complete works

of Shakespeare in Braille.

4th place (Subject: Bio-Mechanics)

Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalise the pressure on your

eardrums. This pressure change outside your head unbalances other

people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.

 

3rd place (Subject: Symbolic Logic)

The Chinese are technologically underdeveloped because each of their

alphabetical characters represents a whole word or phrase, rather than

a single letter. Thus they cannot use acronyms to communicate technical

ideas at a faster rate.

2nd place (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics) Deforestation may cause

earthquakes, tidal waves, or even the total destruction of our planet.

Just as a figure-skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are

brought in close to the body, the cutting down of tall trees may cause

the Earth to spin dangerously fast on its axis with disastrous results.

 

Winner (Subject: Perpetual Motion)

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is

dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of

toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is

then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning

inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they

could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.

........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients

 

 

I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while.

In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land

buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works

equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out

the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance

between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that

have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is

determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc

 

where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of

the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the

toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala,

for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is

zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the

value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour

of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a

permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.

 

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if

you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this

combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability

of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala

on its  back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be

problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing

a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of

the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians

saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there

would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.Therefore it

is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if

the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced  by a

monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating

above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[MK James]

 

That's worthy of a LOL

[GHA EFM]

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

 

I thought it was going to be something about avoiding having to pay taxes for the rest of my life..

 

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

 

Nice work, CANF.

[Chubbhead EFM]

Bravo old chap <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> !