bad accidentJoke of the Day

[dannyriding]

Man wakes up in hospital after being in a bad accident.

"Doctor, quick.....i cant feel my legs"

"There is a good reason for that!....... i amputated your arms!"

lol

[Derryman]

Man goes to a witch and asks "Can you remove evil spells ?"

 

Witch answers "Only if you can repeat to me the exact wording of the spell in question."

 

Man : "You are now man and wife."

[P.W.]

It was entertainment night at the OAP's day club and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

 

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, 'Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every one of you in this audience.'

 

'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.' He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'

 

The crowd of OAP's became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and

forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

 

'SH!T' said the Hypnotist ....

 

 

 

 

 

It took 3 days to clean up the Day Centre

[Chris1]

A bank robber takes hostages. He asks the first hostage 'did you see me rob that bank?'.

 

The man answers 'yes'. The robber takes out a gun and shoots him.

 

He asks the second hostage 'did you see me rob that bank?'.

 

The man answers 'no, but my wife did'.