The War Live on Sky

[BOROMAN]

The war will be paid for apparentley by the income from live TV rights.

 

On Saturday night the Premiership is going to be replaced by "Battle of the Day" featuring the assualt on Bazra. Imagine the following:

 

Lineker -"well alan how did you think it went today"

 

Hansen - " when ya fighting the Republucin gud, what ya dont wanna be doing is wasting ya bullets on yer own side, ther were massive holes in the Iraqi defence which shuda bun punished"

 

Lineker - "Trevor"

 

Brooking - "well yesss, em well, its a bit like the old blitz in the east end when I was a lad"

 

Lineker -"we know go over to the Iraq Manager Saddam Ferguson"

 

Saddam Ferguson - "We would have defeated the Infediles today if it wern't for three terrible decisions by the referee"

 

 

[Big J R]

Brilliant Boroman ! I could almost here them saying it as I read ! More Please !

[Big J R]

[Mr Happy]

...well. when the great leader of Hassanal, Mr Hassan Wenger was asked about the downing of two of his planes he responded....................

 

 

 

 

 

Yes guys, you guessed it.......................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I did not see it"

[BOROMAN]

Lineker - "So Alan, what did you think of Iraq's scud missle attack on Israel"

 

Hansen - " Turtle lucka qualty, ya neva gonna get uniware with yids"

[BOROMAN]

Lineker - " We know go over to UN Secretary General Ranieri for his thoughts on the war so far"

 

SG Ranieri - " Tis good, tis not good, happy today maybe it is perhaps"

 

Lineker - "We also asked EX US Air Force Commander Atkinson, his opinion of tatics so far"

 

Commander Atkinson - " The allies big strength lies in the pace of their tanks in the middle of the desert, we need to pop a few cruise missiles up to the Iraqi back line, I tell you what,that will make em panic for sure.

[Mr Happy]

Lineker then asks Lt. Co. Barry Fry what he thinks of the Iraqi tactics. His response:

 

"Those f******* are going against the f****** Geneva f****** convention. We should f****** well blow the f****** to f******* pieces, the f****** slimey arab b*******!

[FleetFanatic]

...... an now an exlcusive interview with Wing Commander Keegan:

 

''Some of the things that have been said in the last few days have been to wind us up. But I tell you this. I WOULD JUST LOVE IT, REALLY LOVE IT if we beat them.''

[Mr Happy]

....and now over to George Borg:

 

"Those f******* are going against the f****** Geneva f****** convention. We should f****** well blow the f****** to f******* pieces, the f****** slimey arab b*******!

[FleetFanatic]

Martin O'Neill - do you have anything to add?

 

'Yes.....well.......er.........those iraqis.........manchester united job eventually..........demand respect...........bye bye Celtic one day...........er..........sorry, what was the question?'

[Mr Happy]

what's your view Sam Alardyce

 

"Those f******* are going against the f****** Geneva f****** convention. We should f****** well blow the f****** to f******* pieces, the f****** slimey arab b*******!

[BOROMAN]

Now over to Captian Beckham, in the field.

 

"vis is a bes quaser game ive plaid, but it aint fair, those Iraqi's dont always go down when yer it em"

[FleetFanatic]

And expert anaylsis from our Panel:

 

Rodney Marsh: If those Iraqis come out on top, I'll shave my hair off!

 

George Best: Sod the war - where's my pint?

 

 

[Big J R]

Ridsdale: "I know I got rid of Venables, but I didn't think he'd become Iraqi team coach. That's why I had to resign. Bugger it !"

 

then, aside to Cloughie,

 

"Leave some sodd**g Vodka in that bottle !"